Notes: A Song for June- Still working on writing the song- Ain’t got You- Springsteen comes to mind.
Song must be raw emotion, naked honesty. Pain and beauty. I want it tell a story. I want to read the lyrics and see something that resonates. I’ll follow up on this later tonight, at least I hope to.
If I had a chalkboard inside my house I would have written the following three lines on it:
Are We Poor.
Are We Poor?
Are We Poor!
Then I would have taken the erasers and clapped them together and laughed while the dust went everywhere. It must be close to 25 years or so since the last time I got in trouble for that. But I don’t have a chalkboard inside my house and I really didn’t want to take the one on my porch inside.
So instead of writing those three lines and speaking with my son about the influence of punctuation on the sentence I launched into a relatively brief discussion about why I don’t care what others think and neither should he.
It seems some other child at his camp told him that he thinks that we are poor. Being a man of class and distinction I told him that when he sees this boy tomorrow he should ask him if his father still beats his mother and whether his uncle still buggers the dog.
Take a deep breath, I didn’t say any of those things. I thought about it, but not in an angry way. I grew up in a middle class home and have spent my entire life with people who were less fortunate and more affluent than we were. During my professional career I have had my ups and downs, but have had far more ups than downs. Overall I can say that we have been very fortunate.
But the advantage of being 40 is that I have all sorts of life experience to rely upon and he at 8.5 does not. So now opens a new chapter in his life, the awareness that some of his friends have more than we do.
I am pleased to say that this is a recent event. For years now he has been playing with other children whose families are very well off. There have been lots of play dates at homes that are much larger than mine and trips in cars that cost more than both of mine. It didn’t faze him, until now.
And I suspect that the reason it has is because the kids are getting a bit more aggressive and a bit nastier about some things.
Anyhoo, when he told me that this other boy said this I told him that he needs to remember three things:
1) His own sense of self esteem and self worth comes from within. It is not based upon how many friends he has or doesn’t have.
2) We make decisions about others based upon their actions.
3) Money and possessions do not make people happy. They may help, but the ultimate source comes from within. Not to mention that he needs to get used to being a middle of the pack kind of kid. In this family we are not driven by money.
So I think that he followed what I was saying and that he got it, at least I hope so. In the interim I am going to monitor what happens with him and this other boy. Just another one of those life lessons that we get to experience.
Deal reached for custody of Michael Jackson’s children- Will these kids ever have anything resembling a normal life.
Movie/record industry rep says that you shouldn’t expect to be able to play your media for as long as you own it- Planned obsolescence for your media. This bothers me.
The Book vs. The Kindle: funny videos about the Kindle’s user rights shortcomings.- Some things worth thinking about.
2010 Camaro- I miss my ’77 Camaro. I loved that car.
Does Hairy Backvertising Go Too Far? Ah, another candidate for the Mangroomer. Don’t miss our series of posts about useful products. The most recent one offered information about The Bathroom Revolution as well as links to previous posts.
LONDON, England (CNN) — A spectacular superyacht has been designed by an internationally renowned urban planning architect in a very unusual shape.
Seventy-six meter long “Oculus,” which is designed for 12 guests, looks like a large sea creature, with one end looking uncannily like the jaw and eye socket of a shark or a killer whale.A second design, the futuristic, 91-meter “Infinitas,” is based on the figure-of-eight shape of an infinity loop.
The pair are the brainchild of Kevin Schopfer, a Boston, Massachusetts-based architect who felt the design of luxury yachts should move away from generic boat shapes to something more playful.
The two eye-catching designs, which include inside swimming pools and helipads, are still looking for an owner. With a starting price of $95 million for Oculus and $140 million for Infinitas, they don’t come cheap.
In the early years of my blogging career I had big plans for my corner of cyberspace. I envisioned an empire that would stretch across the world. In my mind’s eye I could see it so clearly, I’d live on my own private island and have a staff that would cater to my needs.
As you can see from the video, It wasn’t hard to imagine. In no time at all I had launched my blog and begun my conquest of the world. Cue maniacal laughter Muhahahaha
And then I came back to reality. I love to write. It brings me great pleasure to sit here at the keyboard and compose these posts. And so I have spent almost 5.5 years blogging about a wide variety of topics. Over time I have developed a steady following of readers who I am greatly appreciative of, not the least of which is that they read my posts because they enjoy them, not because they might win a contest.
In other words, I didn’t jump on the bandwagon to try to ride the Mommy blogger Gravy Train. Yes, I am calling out those Mommy Bloggers who entered the blogosphere because they saw an easy way to stuff their pockets full of cash.
Before we get any deeper let’s make it clear that I am not impugning all of the Mommy Bloggers. I intentionally haven’t identified bloggers by name because not all of you deserve derision or scorn. Many of you are very fine bloggers whose blogs I enjoy very much.
This is one of those posts that has been percolating through the old melon for quite some time, but I just never got around to it. In part I didn’t touch it because I don’t usually care whether people make money from their blogs. If you are able to do so, then more power to you.
But the story about the woman who tried to blackmail Crocs into giving her a free pair stuck in my craw so I decided to wade in and add my two cents. A womb and a keyboard do not make you powerful, nor does it give you license to threaten others.
As I sit here I wonder how many people jumped on the bandwagon because they thought that they could take advantage of brands who still haven’t figured out how to use the net to effectively market themselves. Brands who have been told that social media is the next great frontier and threatened to be left behind if they do not develop an effective social media plan.
And when it doesn’t work out for you, how long will it take for you to jump ship and go running for the next trendy thing to do. Maybe I am being unfair. Maybe I am acting like a stuffy old man, but that is how it comes across.
This is the second consecutive erev Tisha B’Av that has been filled with tumult. Last year had its moments but 2009 is not interested in being outdone by the past so here I sit with spinning head. Fragments of the day are swirling throughout my skull and I find myself torn and frustrated.
I suppose that from an introspective standpoint that this is appropriate for the coming chag. In some respects it leads into a number of posts that I want to write but haven’t had to time to hit yet. Sometime soon we’ll have to talk about reinventing oneself and much more.
You can call call it a character defect or an attribute, it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I am going to do the right thing for the situation because it helps the family. One day I need to blog about the conversation I had with my son about these situations. One day I need to share the story about what happens when you are right but you have to say that you are wrong.
So continuing our vague and ambiguous description we’ll meander along to the place where I repeat that in the end you have to be able to go to sleep feeling good about yourself. I may not be happy about the events of the day, but I will sleep like a baby because I did the right thing.
This is not the last battle or the final fight, just a prelude to things to come.
Now back to Tisha B’Av. I may blog more later, but for now here is a link to more of my past posts on the day. I wish an easy fast to those who are fasting.
If you haven’t been around here is a quick round up of recent posts:
My grandparents are celebrating their 75th Wedding anniversary today. In honor of the occasion I sent out a press release. Here is a copy of it, and yes, the names have been changed.
During an age in which almost half of every marriage ends in divorce there are still people who possess the secret to a life time of love.
On July 27th Daniel and Anne Simpson will celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The Simpsons are childhood sweethearts who met at age 11 and now at 95 years old are celebrating a milestone that few couples are capable of matching.
There is a long list of changes that have taken place during their lifetime. They have lived to see 17 different presidents, witnessed two world wars, multiple regional conflicts, the Great Depression, Watergate, the rise and fall of the Soviet Union, the collapse of The Ottoman Empire, the Civil Rights movement and much more.
They witnessed the rise of the automobile, space travel and the moon landing, proliferation of personal computers and cell phones.
It really isn’t an exaggeration to say that the world has undergone tremendous change during their lives, but in spite of it all they managed to raise a family.
When asked to explain the secret to their long lasting marriage and enduring love Mr. Simpson responded that it came down to many things, but the most important component was the ability to compromise.
“People say that marriage takes work and it does, but Daniel never made it feel like work. He was always involved in so many things,” explained Anne.
Involved is a good way to describe a man who interviewed Al Capone and hid in a closet so that he could meet Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
“When times were hard we helped keep each other going, Anne deserves a lot of credit for helping to give me the strength to keep going when it was rough. But we have far more good memories than bad,” said Daniel.
P.S. Since one day my children will read this blog I am trying to organize posts so that they can follow along. Click on the grandparents link and that will take you to many other posts in which I discussed my grandparents. Or you can sift through the following:
The Bearer of Bad Tidings- One Less Set of Footsteps
Pictures, Videos and Memories
My Grandfather Laid Tefillin
The Challenge of Aging
The World’s Fastest 95 Year-Old Man
Passing The Baton- Grandma is 94
Not Quite Goodbye- And Some other Thoughts
And Then He Died
I Talk In My Sleep
SF Film Festival- There is a difference between searching for hard truths and providing a forum for questionable behavior. To be clear, free speech isn’t unlimited and not all ideologies are equivalent. Some systems of belief are morally superior.
The ISS Crosses in front of The Sun- Some pictures help to show how small we are.
Michael Jackson’s Doctor- Will anyone be surprised to learn that his death was caused by drugs.
I have spent quite a bit of time working with various companies/charities in assisting them with developing effective programming/campaigns that can be used to raise money and awareness. I like doing this and feel good about trying to give back.
But I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that I am also relatively critical of their efforts. I am not a huge fan of telemarketers and think that raising money that way is a bit like slinging mud at the wall to see what sticks.
Still I think that it is superior to those charities that send out solicitation letters with money already enclosed in it.
They often read something like this:
Use this nickel/dime/dollar as part of your next contribution to charity XYZ. Now I don’t know about you, but the first thing I do is take that coin and stick it in my pocket. If it is from one of my regular charities they probably will get it back, but if it is not…
I can’t help but wonder how much money they spend on enclosing the currency in the envelope. Does anyone actually turn around and give them back their nickel.
I am a sucker for songs like If Today Was Your Last Day.
“My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest strideIf today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last dayAgainst the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’ll never live it twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own lifeIf today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last dayIf today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your sideIf today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day”
Nickelback
Bonus Song U2 with Mary Blige singing One.
(This is part of the Fragments of Fiction story)
What we have here is a simple story about a boy and a girl who met and fell in love under the most unlikely circumstances. It is a tale that has all of the elements of a Shakespearean play and aspects of a Greek tragedy.
Two people who in the midst of living separate lives stumbled onto each other and discovered that someone out there was able to touch them in a way that no one else had. Two individuals who took an initial leap of faith and jumped into the fire, praying that the love they shared would shield them from the flames.
And for a long time they lived a life of longing and hope for a future that might allow them to be together. After a while they found that life got in the way of their dreams. It wasn’t any one thing or another that made the difference, but a collection of events and moments that caused a fissure and moments of doubt and uncertainty.
It is not the first time that this story has been written nor will it be the last. But the thing that distinguishes this boy and this girl is that they were both given extraordinary amounts of will. Separately they each had a strong personality but together they had something unique and they knew it.
The things that they had shared and the experiences they had forged a bond that wasn’t going to be severed or broken. It would be tested and at times strained, but never broken. During the hard times it wasn’t easy to touch or think about it. During the good times it was painful to be separated and during the hard times, well it was easier not to admit how deeply in love they were.
So they both retreated and did what they could to hide their feelings. It wasn’t because they had died or changed but because it was too hard to let the fires burn. But as they say, still waters run deep and they were no different.
If you ask me how I came to be so familiar with this story it is because it is my story, or should I say it is our story. That is how I know. That is why I sit here at the keyboard, struggling to share a story that outsiders cannot possibly understand. I can provide you with glimpses of the secret world, but I can’t let you in because you aren’t part of it.
And so this how I have come to this place, this moment in time where I share my struggle with you. This where I tell you about how I promised to write a song for June and how hard it has been to do so. It hasn’t been hard because of a lack of effort or desire. It hasn’t been hard for any reason other than I want her to see what I see.
I want it to show her what she looks like in Johnny’s eyes. I want her to see the woman I see, full of grace and class. I want her to see eyes that sparkle and curves that speak of things that make us blush. I want her to see my best friend and companion. I want her to see the honesty and truth of it all.
The beauty and grace of her walk and the love and care that radiates from her. Lips that were made to be kissed and hands that fit perfectly in my own.
You see, I can write all that down and more. I can find ways to share those thoughts and feelings. I can write it down, but I agonize over how to show that she is the song of my soul. I agonize over how to do it in a manner that is not cheesy or disrespectful. I agonize over how to do it in a way that doesn’t steal from other artists. I want it to be original.
So here I sit, staring at June’s picture, lost in it all. So many promises, so much potential and so much more.
So here I sit pondering the possibilities. Old Johnny is a dreamer, a man who dreams in bright colors, collages of images parade past my eye. How do I translate what I see from that which flows inside into a chorus of sound.
I am torn between wanting to write a symphony or a simple song to be played with a guitar. Maybe it should be both. What I know for certain is that in a quiet moment I want to sing it softly to her. I think that for now I am going to let it marinate inside my head a bit longer.
But before I go I’ll share some of the images in my head, things I see.
Quiet walks through woods during Autumn and summer nights of roller coasters and cotton candy.
Dinner and dancing, long black gowns and tuxedos.
A castle they share and quiet moments at home.
Plane rides to far off places and adventures to be had.
Now comes the hard part of trying to weave this tapestry of sights and sounds into something that can be sung. Or maybe we would be better served to make a movie out it, we shall see.
Approximately 13.5 years ago the Shmata Queen and I were members of a message board. On this particular board there were numerous discussions about politics and history. Well the queen and I were active participants in these discussions and soon found out that we held minority opinions on many of the topics.
Since we are both very shy people we soon found ourselves engaged in semi heated discussions with the denizens of the board. And because it was conducted here in cyberspace some of these discussions were not exceptionally pleasant.
Because I am a gentlemen of the finest order, or something along those lines I used to tell the queen to stand behind me and I’d challenge any and all to engage me in written fisticuffs. Who said that chivalry is dead.
I’d be negligent if I didn’t point out that the queen hasn’t any problem speaking up for herself and is quite capable of handling these situations. But since I type twice as fast as she does I found myself in the middle of things more frequently. Side note of useless trivia, she speaks twice as fast as I do. Man, that woman can spit the words out.
Anyhoo…
Many of those who disagreed with us fell into the category of dumb and stupid with a healthy dose of ignorant. Now I know that it is not nice to say that, but really I was surprised at how little they knew of the world around them and of historical events. They must have slept through school or something.
Still, you’d think that they would have been able to compensate by using the research capabilities provided by the net. That was rarely the case. I don’t know if they didn’t do it because of laziness or ignorance, but it didn’t happen much.
Anyway, after a few years of this nonsense a number of them grew irritated and petitioned to have my account suspended. Their petition was granted and I was told that I had to take a time out.
After a short consultation the queen and I decided that it would be fun to create a fake identity for me. So we created a new account for a man named Sweetcheeks. Good old Sweetcheeks, I really liked that guy. Since I have a rather distinct style of writing I had to work hard to make sure that no one caught on.
Sweetcheeks might have described it a bit like this, “Ah like talhking to peoeple becuz you rally lern things that mite halp you.”
It was intentionally over the top and ridiculous. But for some reason people took to Sweetcheeks probably because he was so sweet and innocent where I am innocent but not at all sweet. That is part of the job of being a curmudgeon, you give up on sweetness.
Old Sweetcheeks hung around for a long while, but eventually he was found out. This blog started somewhere around that time. As I have written before it began on a bit of whim, but it was also because I was tired of being told what I could write about and how I could respond to those I disagreed with.
Kind of funny to think that had they been more tolerant I might not ever have decided to begin blogging.
SOS- Abba
Dancing Queen- Abba
Get Back – The Beatles
Michelle -The Beatles
You Got To Hide Your Love Away- The Beatles
Norwegian Wood- The Beatles
In The Ghetto- Elvis Presley
Suspicious Minds- Elvis Presley
With or Without You- U2
All I Want Is You- U2
Tom Sawyer – Rush
Closer To The Heart- Rush
Here is another example of an effective cover letter.
Dear Mr. Johnson,
Many years ago in a galaxy far, far away there was simple farmer named Luke. I am not talking about the Luke Duke who drove the General Lee, but the man who blew up the Death Star and defeated the emperor.
Those are pretty big accomplishments for a simple farmer. I can be that guy for you. All you have to do is hire me and I can be your Luke. That is a pretty good deal for you because that would make you Obi Wan-Kenobi. Of course I can’t promise you that I’ll save you from Darth Vader or anyone going postal in the office.
In fact if someone freaks out I just might hide in cubicle. But the good news is that I am a pretty good shot with rubber bands and paper clips. So if you keep me supplied I might be able to shoot someone in the eye. So in reality that is of benefit to you.
Let’s take a moment to review some of the other reasons why it would be stupid not to hire me.
The class of 1986 voted me Most Likely to Drive an Ice Cream Truck. That is the kind of honor that not everyone receives. It is proof that they believed that I would be great at running my own franchise and that I am conscientious worker. Not everyone can keep the ice cream from melting or do simple math. Give me a $1.50 for a Bomb Pop and I’ll give you proper change, unless of course you charge $1.65 in which case I’ll ask you for more money.
As a boy scout I always won the campfire contest. That is the one where you are tested to see who can start a fire the fastest. Not every carries a Bic Lighter and some hair spray around, but I do because you never know when you might need a fire.
I am really good at microwaving popcorn. Not everyone knows how to do it, but I do. I won’t make the office stink. Unless you take me out for Mexican food or feed me dairy. But heck, lactose intolerance is a certifiable medical condition. And since you are a professional you must know that we all deal with occasional bouts of flatulence. That is why I like to play the radio at my desk, so that no one has to listen to uncomfortable noises.
Unlike other employees I won’t lie about why I am missing work. Sometimes I just don’t feel like coming in, we all need personal time. I am sure that you agree that this is the sort of honesty your company needs.
Which I suppose is why you really don’t need to interview anyone else for the job. Really, you should just call me and tell me when I can come in to sign papers. Probably better to do it sooner so that my medical benefits kick in. That way I can be sure to bring you a real doctor’s note when I am out sick.
Do you see how I just proved my honesty again. I won’t fake a doctor’s note, I’ll get you a real one that you can show everyone so that when I am out on disability no one feels badly. Anyway, it sounds like we have worked most of this out. Call me and I’ll tell you what bank I use so that we can set up a direct deposit account.
Thank you for being so cool. I look forward to coming in. May the Force be with you.
Sincerely,
Jack, the guy who can’t wait to be your Luke.
Apparently I am doing an excellent job of becoming a ripe old bastard, a curmudgeon of the finest order. I know this because of the growing list of things that irritate the hell out of me. You may consider this a work in progress.
Sometimes I feel a bit like Max from Where The Wild Things Are. If you are a purist you may not be as appreciative of the trailer as I am, but for the purposes of this post it is excellent. It does a good job of helping to graphically illustrate some of my thoughts and feelings.
There is a feeling that sometimes comes upon me. It is a sense of being chased. I can’t quite make out who or what it is, but I know that if I turn around and wait for it there is a good chance that it just might be there. I have mixed emotions about it. Sometimes it is a sense of dread and foreboding and I want to take off running.
Not unlike the way you see Max running through the woods, so I can see myself. I can smell the forest and hear the crunch of leaves and twigs beneath my feet. There are moments where I think that if I start running like that I won’t ever tire and I won’t ever stop. The sun will rise and the sun will set and Jack will still be running. Sunlight, moonlight or twilight- it just won’t matter because I’ll keep going.
But then again that feeling of dread and uncertainty makes me angry. It frustrates me and for lack of a better description, I find myself preparing for battle. I don’t seek out confrontation, nor do I hide from it. And the idea of picking the time and place for battle suits me. That graphic imagination pictures me locating a place to take a stand and then doing all that it takes to hold my position for as long as I can.
It is easy to envision. I can hear the birds chirping and the sounds of animals moving through the woods. Suddenly it is silent and the air becomes still. At that moment I brace myself for the roar of the creatures that will come pouring out from the trees. The sound of birds singing will be replaced with the cacophony of swords crashing into each other and the grunting of those who swing them.
See what it is like to live with a graphic imagination.
And then again I can picture myself sailing through uncharted waters. Some days the sea will be calm and I’ll gaze in wonder at a moonlit sky populated by more stars than you imagine. Other times all my skill will be devoted to surviving the raging storm. Waves will come crashing down upon me and it will be all I can do to keep from capsizing or being swept over board.
I suppose that it is fair to say that I do feel a bit like I am sailing through uncharted waters. There are things going on that are unsettling and it is harder to try to maintain balance and perspective. That is not to suggest that the challenges that I face are unique, unusual or particularly different from others.
They are not and I have never tried to paint them as being otherwise. But as I have said many times it is always easier to fix someone another person’s problems. Since they belong to me they are my responsibility and consequently a bit trickier.
So here I sit peering through the fog and haze trying to determine what the best path ahead is. Someone told me that we missed our window of opportunity and I have to ask myself is that really true or is there another path that we have missed. It reminds me a bit of chess and Algebra.
Many years ago I used to play chess several times a week with a friend. Oftentimes he would lose because he would forget that not every chess piece was limited to moving front and back, or side to side. Some of them could move diagonally. In essence it meant that you always had to pay attention the full board because if you allowed yourself to ignore a section you could quickly find yourself in trouble.
The relationship to Algebra comes to mind because of an experience I had in high school. I didn’t always understand how the teacher taught us to solve certain equations. But I was often able to come up with an alternative that provided the correct answer. That didn’t always serve me well because my teacher liked to tell me that there were scenarios in which my solution wouldn’t work but that his always would because it was more universal in nature.
I always suspected that he just didn’t like my figuring out how to do it without him. I’d ask him but he apparently died at a relatively young age of heart disease.
Anyway, the real point here is this. I don’t give up on things easily. I think that there are many different paths that can be taken to meet our objectives and that sometimes it just takes a bit of doing to see how to reach that place. Sometimes you don’t recognize the importance of it until your air has been removed and you find yourself choking. I am not choking, but I am gasping a bit.
So now to quote my son all I need to do is figure out a solution and save the day. I kind of like that term, save the day. And given a little bit of time I think that I just might figure out how to make it happen. Life is like that chess board. I don’t have to attack everything head on, sometimes coming from an angle is really all it takes.
Part one of this post is here.
I became a father sooner than most of the guys in my circle of good friends. As a result I have often found myself being used a resource that the other guys sometimes use for consultation on parenting issues.
Most of the time they are relatively simple questions dealing with issues that we have worked through already. During the course of these conversations I have been asked if I am worried about pedophiles or rapists. I always respond by saying yes, but I am not seriously bothered by it.
It is not that I don’t think that it can happen, but that it is not as common as other issues. The bullying is an excellent example of something that happens with more frequency. And it is a great example of the pain/frustration/anguish of parenting because no matter what you do you cannot insulate your child from the world. And the great fear is that somehow your child will be harmed because you failed.
But the reality is that you cannot view life through a black and white prism of success versus failure. There may be times when it is clear that your child was hurt because you failed, but more often than not you are not going to be blame. Things happen that are beyond your control.
Still, this doesn’t lessen the pain of watching tears stream down your child’s face because they are hurt. So you have to come up with a plan and we did. It is relatively simple and now we will see if it works.
The mothers had a discussion about the situation and it was made clear to the mother of this other boy that there is an issue. She in turn had her son call mine to apologize. During the conversation my son clearly expressed why he was angry and told the other boy that this cannot continue or there will be consequences.
I told my son that if things happen again he is to tell the other boy to stop, twice. If he doesn’t listen then I told him he is to defend himself. Furthermore I told him that if he hits him I expect him not to hold back. Hit him hard and then hit him again.
You see, the bullying wasn’t limited to words. This other boy smacked my son and pinned him down. So I haven’t any problem telling him that it is ok to hit him.
I hope that it doesn’t come to that point, but there are lines and limits that you cannot cross. The physical is one of them. We’ll see what happens, hopefully this is the end of it.
Still, I am sorry to see one more piece of his innocence taken away from him. Childhood ends far too quickly, no need to rush it.
La Tortura- Shakira
No Woman, No Cry- Bob Marley
Summertime- Ella Fitzgerald
Running up that Hill- Kate Bush & David Gilmour
Kiss Me- Stephen Tin Tin Duffy (talk about a trip back in time)
Don’t Tell Me- Blancmange (high school revisited)
Prodigal Blues- Billy Idol (Some of the lyrics really hit home with me.)
All I want is You- U2
Broken Hearts- Living Colour
Boys of Summer- Don Henley
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the final goodbye blog
I tried to sit there impassively so that I could hear the story be told without interruption. I tried to sit there and look supportive so that he would feel comfortable telling the tale, but I am not sure that I succeeded.
Had you seen my face it likely would been contorted in a snarl, my hands pulverizing the rocks contained within them into dust. He struggled to get the words out. He struggled to tell his mother and I that another child had been bullying him. Hot tears of shame rolled down his face and I felt my stomach turn.
Anger, revulsion and sadness coursed threw me. My son, my son. Another one of life’s lessons taught before I would have chosen for him. I would have preferred that he remain innocent for a bit longer. Let him be naive for just a while longer. He is young, at 8.5 he doesn’t need to know that humans can be so cruel to each other.
But we don’t get to make those decisions. Life moves, things happen, and changes take place and you are forced to respond. And so we listened to him describe what had happened to him and my heart sunk.
As I listened I remembered being that boy. I remembered the anger and the shame of it. I remember not wanting to tell my parents and thinking that they couldn’t help me. Eventually the kid who was bullying me pushed me too far and I exploded.
Thirty years or so ago it was a different world in some ways. I used my fists and learned that they could be very influential. That ended the bullying. It didn’t solve all of my problems, but it helped fix a big one.
But it is not about me. It is not thirty years ago. Fighting is seen differently now. There is far less tolerance of it and it brings different issues. But that is not where I want this to go, not really.
More importantly, this situation is different because the bully is a friend. Another boy who my son once considered to be his best friend has been taking advantage of my son’s good nature and I am sad. I am sad because I feared that this day would come
I am sad because it just makes the situation worse. It doesn’t matter to me that the boy who did this comes from a good family or that his parents will be horrified by this. He robbed my child of a certain amount of innocence. The thief has stolen something that can never be returned.
For years I have listened to stories about him. For years I have listened to mothers and fathers tell stories about this boy was mean to other kids. I have warned my son about him, told him to be cautious. I always wondered when he would turn upon him.
But we are loyal to a fault. And my son was not just a friend, but a good friend. He tried to help this boy be better. He tried to show him how to be a better listener and student. We tried to explain to him that you can only be responsible for yourself and that you can’t change people.
And then tonight I listened as he talked about his friend and how sometimes he’ll hit him or hold him down. I listened as he told the story in between tears about how he didn’t want to tell on his friend and my broken heart was torn open again.
Even now he tries to protect his friend. Even now he tries to shelter him. Even now as his body shakes because he is crying so hard. Even now he fights for his friend and in return this boy is almost assuredly asleep.
And when he tells me that it has only been going on a short while I cringe because I know my son and I can tell it has been longer. It is only now that it has reached the point that he can no longer take it.
As I console and reassure him I cannot help but think that I want to grab this boy and show him what it means to be terrorized. Let him cry for help as I drag him by his collar. Let him cry as I use my strength to force him to dance for me.
But that won’t happen. I am 40 and he is eight. In my anger I might appreciate the idea, it would never happen. I would feel guilty immediately. It would be as wrong as his behavior. But what can and will happen is that I will impress upon his parents the urgency of the situation.
They will understand that this is unacceptable. They will see that his behavior changes immediately. They will see that he apologizes. And then they will see that their son has destroyed a friendship, likely beyond repair.
I can’t say for certain that the friendship is completely done. My son will have to make that decision, but it has been damaged to the point that it is not what it was.
In truth I am ok with that. I am still sad and angry about it all. I am disappointed that he had to learn such a hard lesson, but this is what it is. Life is filled with these moments. And as much as I want to protect and shelter him I won’t coddle him to the point that he cannot cope.
In the end we cannot always be there. Our job is to love, teach and support him so that he can be a good person who can easily navigate through the challenges that life presents. And we’ll keep doing that.
Before I go I’ll share just another thought or two. My son has been taking Krav Maga for a number of years now. Tonight as he lay in bed we talked for a few more moments about it all. In a soft voice I told him that we had a plan. I told him that we were going to speak to the parents of this other boy and that it would be taken care of.
And then I told him that sometimes need to have a back up plan. I told him that if this behavior didn’t change he needed to tell his friend to stop. And then I told him that if it didn’t, that he is entitled to defend himself. I could feel him looking me in the dark. He said, “but he is my friend” and waited for my response.
I told him that friends don’t treat their friends like this. I told him that people in general should never treat others like this. And then I told him again that if he did as I said I wouldn’t be angry. “If you have to hit him, hit him hard.”
He fell asleep a moment later.I leaned over and kissed his forehead and walked out of his room. Hours have passed since I had that conversation, but it has stayed with me. Some life lessons are harder than others. Sometimes the pain is…considerable.
Took these out of the grab bag and decided to air them out. I haven’t read them in a while, so I think that later today I’ll take a look and see if they still hold up.
I hope that they are not too embarrassing.
When Your World Is Collapsing- A Letter To My Children
Blessing My Children
Teaching Children To Lose Gracefully
Teaching Children Not To Quit
A Secret For My Children
If you woke up to the sounds of screaming punctuated by smashing noises then you are probably one of my neighbors. That cursing wasn’t coming from some rap album but from me. The crashing noise was the sound of an external hard drive and a 27 inch television set flying through a window so that they could prove that gravity was still in effect.
Brief musical interlude:
If You Could Read My Mind- Gordon Lightfoot
It Was a Very Good Year- Frank Sintara (NSFW video- I miss the Sopranos)
Beer- Homer Simpson
Ok, let’s be clear about something I didn’t throw anything out of the window. For that matter I didn’t throw anything, but for a moment or two I sure thought about it.
A while back I hooked up a 500 Gig external hard drive to my computer to serve as a back up for my music, pictures, videos and a few other things. In addition I have a back up for the back up.
But because I have stolen fire from the Gods and am being punished for it, the external hard drive decided to go on strike and the back up for the back up walked off the job as well. So I have spent a not insignificant amount of time negotiating for the return of my files. Negotiations have been long, tedious and not without complications.
Now you may not know this about me, but I don’t always color inside the lines. I am known for being unconventional and someone who will use unorthodox methods. Maybe I have watched too many movies, but I found myself in need of additional information and so I sought it out. Unfortunately the guys who had it weren’t really interested in divulging it, so I had to get a bit rougher than I wanted.
Even the legendary Chuck Norris couldn’t stop me from reaching my destination.
Needless to say all of this fighting was exhausting which I suppose is part of the reason I found myself cursing that bleeding mother…board and all the siblings. Why, oh why must this happen. Ok, I know more or less why it happened, but it is the timing that set me off.
It is not like I don’t have 1,276,987 things going on already. Not to mention that of those on the list at least 2,876 are urgent. But this is what it is and how it is. That last line my friends comes from an old teacher of mine.
It is one of those lines that he would offer as words of wisdom but I always thought of it as being the sort of throwaway that belongs in a fortune cookie. Anyhoo, I think that after much aggravation I have gotten a handle on the crash, at least I hope so. I better go check.
But before I do I’ll leave you with some more music:
Mud on The Tires- Brad Paisley
I’m Gonna Miss her- Brad Paisley
Forty years ago man reached the moon. My parents propped me up in front of the television so that I could watch this historical event with them. I can’t say that I remember that day, but space has always fascinated me.
I have spent more than a few hours learning about what exists outside of the earth and countless hours staring out into the night sky. Some times it has been through a telescope and sometimes via the naked eye. I have vivid memories of watching Halley’s Comet and the Northern Lights, but the moon has always held a special place for me.
Some of that intrigue and mystique comes from learning about the space program and stories I have heard. Some of that comes from the awe I feel looking at stars, but it also comes from other things as well.
I have been fortunate enough to travel across the US and to various countries around the world. Every time I go I make a point of looking up at the moon. It is a celestial landmark that I know can be seen from home and by the people I love and care about. No matter where we are or whether we are in contact or not I know that it is something we can share.
Anyway, I found links about this that I thought were interesting so I wanted to pass them along to you.
To The Moon…- Toner Mishap
How Did Moon Travel Change Astronauts?- ABC News
Google flies you to the moon- CNE
Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs — a weekly collection of Jewish & Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It’s hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. The term ‘Haveil Havalim,’ which means “Vanity of Vanities,” is from Qoheleth, (Ecclesiastes) which was written by King Solomon. King Solomon built the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and later on got all bogged down in materialism and other ‘excesses’ and realized that it was nothing but ‘hevel,’ or in English, ‘vanity.’
Hello and welcome to Haveil Havalim #226, the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince edition. This is a different sort of edition for me. I hadn’t intended on doing it, but a change came up at the last minute and I found myself standing in the on deck circle.
I had several ideas for what I wanted to do with it, but it just didn’t work out that way. So my apologies because this isn’t up to my normal standards. Anyway, if I can find time I’ll update this a few times and try to give it a little more spit and polish.
And in response to some reader emails here are some links to some of the music that I listened to while constructing this. Please be advised that some of these videos are adult in nature. I didn’t have time to go searching for clean versions, so do what you will with it.
Mansions of the Lord
It Was a Very Good Year- Frank Sinatra
I Gotta Feeling- Black Eyed Peas
King Without a Crown- Matisyahu
You’re Gonna Miss This- Trace Adkins
Come Back- Moshav
If this is your first time here, welcome. You’ll find almost seven thousand posts about life, parenting, politics, Judaism and more. Links to some of my favorite posts can be found on the right hand side of the page.
And now on to our carnival:
Politics
Many people are questioning some of President Obama’s policies. You can read about some of that at The case against Obama.
Seraphic Secret reminisces about a man from his youth who would scream about and the end of the world and those who do it now in Apocalypse Now and Then.
The Muqata reports about Washington and Israeli Ambassador in Michael Oren hold his ground.
Avi Green presents DC becomes Dhimmi Comics posted at The Four Color Media Monitor.
At the Rubin Reports take a look at A brief guide to the differences between Palestinian Authority, Syrian, and Iranian Strategies toward the West.
While you are there you might be interested in reading The Obama Ideology and World Affairs Part I, II andIII.
Yaacov Lozowick has a must read piece entitled Complicated Afghanistan and Just War. Daled Amos shared Israeli Settlements: Olmert vs. Obama.
Yourish covered Obama ups the ante on “settlements”
Israel
I really enjoyed reading Nostalgia Sunday – Asimonim, maybe because I still carry one on my keychain.
Israelity also sent in the descriptive post, Tel Aviv’s Sh*t Mountain Gets A Green Light for Environmental Remediation.
And in technology news you can read Just another ghost in the Wall, a new Internet startup G.ho.st, launched last night by an Israeli entrepreneur and Palestinian software developers.
Batya said I Could Never Understand The Mentality.
Cosmic X relates a number of news stories in his post Truth Sprouts From the Land!
The Occidental Israeli discusses the Haredim and says thatTerrorism Pays. Agree or disagree? Go read it and let him know. Ask Lady Light about Civil Strife in Jerusalem: Protesting a Parking Lot.
Child Ish thinks much of it has to do with boredom.
Tel Chai Nation blogged about the impact of the Gaza war with British Antisemitism in Britain stops arms exports to Israel. Yourish covered it also in The U.K. Israeli arms embargo: Hypocrisy defined.
And let’s not forget the marriage proposal that Meryl included in Thursday Snark News.
Jewschool covered Gaza Soldier Testimonials.
Soccerdad sent over a link I had missed Breaking the Silence: More Rumor & Hearsay. Daled Amos shared Again, The Media Jumps On Questionable Report Of Israeli War Crimes (Updated)
Dave shared A Video Postcard from Hell: The Gaza War Up Close and Personal
Over at My Right Word I had to read about the Erotics of the Occupation twice because I just couldn’t believe it.
Our friend and long time blogger the Elder has The transcript of the “plot to assassinate Arafat” and the story about Hamas belief that they will acquire a WMD within 20 years. Now what nation of non Arabs who are descendants of Cyrus might say that.
Back at My Right Word there are beautiful pictures of the Ohel Yitzhak Synagogue in Jerusalem and don’t forget to read Tourism in Tuscany, Sorry, Make That Binyamin.
My friend Snoopy and co-blogger writes about the mishegahs surrounding road signs in Minister Yisrael Katz, road signs and Zionism. Eric wrote about it as well in Battle of the Signs in Israeli Cities.
In between rooting for the Bruins Ben Yehudah keeps a fine blog in which he writes about many things. One of his recent topics covered the protests, go read The Other Story: Israeli Leftist Rags And Feminazis.
At The Muqata you should read Israel’s High Court Targets Widow and Orphans of Fallen IDF War Hero.
Here is An interesting perspective on why the Palestinians keep saying no to peace deals. And then again there are posts that illuminate A senseless and irresponsible provocation.
Don’t forget to read Religion and State in Israel – July 13, 2009 (Sections 1 and 2) Ben Yehudah discusses an ad right here.
From Solomonia What Olmert Offered Abbas.
Judaism
I am not sure if there are topics that are more important than protecting children. Chabad offers Responding to Child Predators in the Jewish Community.
A good philosophical discussion can be found in the questions of Isn’t it Enough to Just Believe? – What Does Judaism Think? From Chabad we have Lightning Doesn’t Strike the Same Place Twice
Divine Providence Does!
Mother in Israel has practical tips you can use to keep your food warm and your house cool on Shabbos.
Questions, questions, questions, Is the Ran an apikores, by his own definition?
Don’t forget to read part two.
Lion of Zion brings up the question of Calling a Sinner for an Aliyah.
From the Real Shaliach we have Say it ain’t so!
Ever wonder about how Jews said Kiddush during prohibition? You might enjoy reading this next piece called Booze and Jews: Some fun American-Jewish history ephemera .
One day Donald Trump may be at a bris for his grandson, maybe. Read more at Mazel tov to the newest Jew – Ivanka Trump.
At Schvach you can read Eishes Chayil, that discusses Jewish Women. Child Ish thinks that many Orthodox Jews haven’t spent time thinking about why they believe what they believe. For more on this read Kiruv: Answering the hard questions.
From the Velveteen Rabbi This week’s Torah poem looks at the slaughter of the Midianites through the lens of the newly-released Breaking the Silence report about IDF behavior in Gaza.
The Rebbetzin’s Husband provides valuable information with How to attract people to your shul. Over at Ilana Davita there is a very interesting guest post by Shimshonit about her Judaism. Go read it.
Schvach’s post The Conflicting Demands of Life is definitely worth a read.
In The Pink has what I consider to be a ridiculous invention, a Tefillin sweater. Twenty seven years of laying Tefillin and I have never had a problem rolling up the sleeve. In fact if you buy one I want to speak with you about loaning me $50.
Prof K’s post gives food for thought. Go read The Things That Bring Us Happiness…Not
Use this link to Tweet your prayers at The Kotel. Or you can go here and ask someone to daven for you at the Kotel for 40 days.
I am a bit of a rabble rouser. Correction, I am big rabble rouser. I am often the fly in your ointment, the guy who will press your buttons. So why am I sharing this, well because I almost didn’t include a few posts from Frum Satire.
Let me be clear, I think that Hesh is a good guy and well meaning. But he intentionally writes posts that stir up a hornet’s nest. I know this because I have commented there and been assaulted by a number of the other commenters.
I mention this because I think that some of his commenters are troglodytes that wear Borsalinos and think that halacha says that you can beat a woman for not sitting in the back of the bus.
Anyway, I do not include Hesh as part of that crowd. And now that he has received a ton of press I am not going to include separate posts. You have the link to his blog. Go spend some time reading there. Not every post is controversial.
Personal
All the really cool blogs started roughly five years ago, just ask Jewlicious.
The Real Shaliach has Some important questions. Will someone please ask Mottel to move. I have been blogging here for more than five years now. 
The Rebbetzin’s Husband reflects upon the impact of being a parent in Changed by a decade of Parenting.
Take a look at some nice photos at I really should get a tripod.
Apparently there is a new King of All Media. When you are through with that you can read On Tops and Tales because it is all about the people.
When I read the next title I instantly thought about my post A Bad Case of Stupid Seems To Be Going Around to be clear there is no similarity other than title, which is why you should read We’re Not Immune to Stupid Just Because We’re Jewish
Batya has been enjoying the fruits of politics. You can learn more by reading It Has Returned. Gila needs a Couch.
If you want a shot at winning some free Tupperware click here. Before you finish reading go wish Rabbi Fink a Happy Birthday.
That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of haveil havalim using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
Technorati tags: haveil havalim, blog carnival.
I’ll say this much for divorce, it makes for great blog fodder. There is something wrong about that, isn’t there. Shouldn’t there be some rule that says that being this connected is wrong. Isn’t there some rule or law of silence about this. I am not really supposed to be able to communicate such intimate thoughts.
Authors notes: Kind of choppy-I need to come back and polish this.
Johnny looked out the window and watched nothing in particular. In the background he could hear the flight crew run through their safety checklist. He looked away from the window and towards the front of the plane and made a point to identify where the emergency exits were. It wasn’t like he expected there to be a reason for him to exit in anything but the normal way, but you never know what can happen.
The captain instructed the crew to prepare for takeoff and he resumed his watch out the window. The past few days were a blur and he was trying to take it all in. A few days before he had been sitting in his office marveling over an empty travel schedule. The early part of the year had consisted of airports, hotels and meetings and he was ready to spend some real time at home.
It was going to be nice to become reacquainted with his bed and his stuff. For a short time the business world would survive without him, besides if they needed him they had his cell phone and email address. And there wasn’t any doubt that they would use all of them to contact him.
When he was on the road he was responsible for entertaining clients. A healthy expense account helped to make that happen. Out on the road he ate at the finest restaurants and lived a lifestyle that he couldn’t afford on his own. It was nice, but it grew old quickly. One hotel looked pretty much like another. It didn’t matter how they decorated the room, there was a sterile uniformity to it.
Needless to say Johnny wasn’t thrilled when the call to head out again came in. He had barely unpacked from the last trip, but this time was different. As it happened June was going to be there at the same time. It was a happy coincidence, what is that word they use, serendipitous.
So he booked a flight and threw his gear into a bag and headed off to the airport. Upon landing he turned on his BlackBerry and listened to the angry buzzing noise it made. The way it kept beeping you would have thought that it had been turned off for a week and not five hours.
One hour later he had picked up his rental car and checked into his hotel room. He had thirty minutes to shower, change and head out to his meeting. In the midst of it all he realized that he had forgotten his razor. With a silent curse he called downstairs and asked them to send a blade and some shaving cream up.
While he waited the phone began buzzing again. June was checking in with him. She was a planner and wanted to figure out when they’d have time to see each other. Johnny could hear the smile in her voice and it made him smile back. He told her that he had an afternoon flight but that he was sure that they could find some time to catch up.
And here he was a relatively short time later, waiting for the tower to greenlight the captain. Soon enough the hum of the engines turned to a roar and the plane went flying down the runway. The blur outside the window was fitting because that is how the last 18 hours felt to him.
As the plane climbed into the sky he closed his eyes and thought about it all. There had been a last kiss goodbye and a lingering hug. Saying goodbye to June had been far more difficult than she had realized. There was a silence that begged to be filled, but he had been unwilling to fill it.
It wasn’t for a lack of desire or an inability to do so. He knew what he wanted to say, but sometimes these things come with a price and Johnny was afraid of what that might be. It wasn’t a fear of what would happen to him but of what it would do to June.
She was smart. She was tough and she was brave. She was a million things that he couldn’t describe but treasured nonetheless. He feared the price because he wasn’t sure what it would do to June and the thought of her hurting made him ache.
So he rolled the dice and hoped that they would find a way to get back to that place. He was a gambler and a dreamer. He would fight for her. He would endure the pain and hope that his decision hadn’t been a mistake.
Alone on the plane he smelled his hand and smiled. He could still smell her. His June, his girl, her scent, his hand. It made sense. Anytime they had been through a rough spot he had told her to take his hand and they had promised to work through it all together.
In spite of the hum of the engines he could feel that quiet place they shared and he took refuge in it. The decision had been made. Now he had to live with it. The hardest part was knowing that he had virtually no control over what would happen next.
The next part was up to June. She needed time to work on some things. Time to take care of some stuff and get centered again. For now that was just how it had to be. June would do her thing and Johnny would do his.
I always liked Walter Cronkite. Grew up watching him on the news.
(CNN) — Walter Cronkite, the CBS anchorman known as “Uncle Walter” for his easygoing, measured delivery and “the most trusted man in America” for his rectitude and gravitas, has died, CBS reported Friday.
Cronkite was 92.His career spanned much of the 20th century, as well as the first decade of the 21st. The native of St. Joseph, Missouri, broke in as a newspaper journalist while in college, switched over to radio announcing in 1935, joined the United Press wire service by the end of the decade and jumped to CBS and its nascent television news division in 1950. He also made his mark as an Internet contributor in his later years with a handful of columns for the Huffington Post.
He covered World War II’s Battle of the Bulge, the Nuremberg trials, several presidential elections, moon landings, the assassination of President John F. Kennedy and the Watergate scandal of President Richard Nixon’s administration.
At times he even made news: A 1977 question to then-Egyptian President Anwar Sadat about Sadat’s intent to go to Israel — at the time considered a nonstarter because of the lack of a treaty between the two countries — received a surprising “yes” from the Egyptian leader.Soon after, Sadat traveled to Jerusalem, a trip that eventually led to the Camp David Accords, which included a peace deal between Israel and Egypt.
At his height of influence as CBS anchorman, Cronkite’s judgment was believed so important it could affect even presidents. In early 1968, after the Tet Offensive, Cronkite traveled to Vietnam and gave a critical editorial calling the Vietnam War “mired in stalemate.”
Noting Cronkite’s commentary, President Lyndon Johnson reportedly said, “If I’ve lost Cronkite, I’ve lost Middle America.” Johnson announced he would not seek re-election less than two months later.
Smoke On The Water- Deep Purple with London Symphony Orchestra
Shine On You Crazy Diamond- Pink Floyd Orchestral version
Shine On You Crazy Diamond – Pink Floyd
Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd
Visions of Paradise- Mick Jagger
Gimme Shelter- The Rolling Stones
Angie – The Rolling Stones
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door -Bob Dylan
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door -Guns N’Roses
Hey Joe- Jimi Hendrix
Picture – Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow (There are better versions, but this is what was available)
Pictures of You- The Cure
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
As promised here is my nickel review of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It rocked! I really enjoyed it.
The studio took advantage of having an audience that is well versed and familiar with the series. They didn’t waste time trying to explain the back story behind various plot lines or to give any sort of explanation for those who haven’t read the books.
For me part of the fun is that we have watched the Harry, Ron and Hermione grow up on screen. They went from being these little babies who looked like they were swimming in their robes to young adults experiencing the angst of love and the great challenge of their lives.
It is not Shakespeare and it doesn’t try to be. It is just a lot of fun.
**Spoiler**
You can call it getting my geek on, but the Fall of Dumbledore was touching. It reminded me a bit of Gandalf’s battle with the Balrog in the Mines of Moria, but that had a different outcome.
Anyhoo, the movie is a bit longer than 2 hours. For me the telling part was that I never found myself checking my watch. Once the film started I sat back with my popcon and enjoyed the show.
Read more: http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/2009/07/harry-potter-and-half-blood-prince.html#ixzz0LlKtZUL2
Will The Mighty Croc(s) Survive
I don’t care if you think that they are ugly, I love these shoes. They are really comfortable. I might have to go out and buy some spares, just in case.
Crocs were born of the economic boom.
The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.
Then the boom times went bust, and Crocs went to the back of the closet.
The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it’s stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.
“The company’s toast,” said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. “They’re zombie-ish. They’re dead and they don’t know it.”
It is hard to believe that it is almost two years since I wrote the post below. I was over at my parent’s house helping them clean out a storage shed and I came across one of his old toys. It caught me off guard and I was surprised that for a moment I got choked up, but I miss the big lug.
I miss wrestling and running with him. Sometimes the two of us would just start running. He of course would quickly outpace me. He’d turn his head and look at me, taunt me to try and catch up. As soon as I got close he’d take off again.
More than one evening ended with the two of us sitting together in a room, keeping each other company. Well, those days are gone now. I miss you old friend, but I won’t forget you.
***********
The last chunk of time has been rough. It has been hard for a whole host of reasons, but this evening the toughest was because I had to say goodbye to my pal.
Tomorrow morning he has an appointment with the vet. The family has agonized over this. We have spent a ton of time trying to make sure that we make the right decision. Every discussion with the vet has made it implicitly clear that there are no heroic measures to be taken.
That is not to say that there are not things that could be done, there are. At best they might extend his life by a few months, but they wouldn’t add to the quality of his life and that is the crux of this matter. He is more than 14 years old and the body won’t give of itself anymore.
So for the past few days I have spent as much time with him as I could. He can’t chase me anymore. He used to love to fetch a ball. I could throw it a country mile and he’d go get it and bring it back to me. He has trouble doing the basic stuff now. I look at that majestic head and I can see the young puppy staring back at me. Dark soulful eyes look at you and you just know that he is waiting for a treat.
I feel guilty that I know what is going to happen. I feel like part of me is betraying him, but at the same time I don’t feel right watching him struggle to get through the day. His breathing is labored and there are times where I swear it looks like he is already gone.
Yet there are moments where he fools me. There are moments in which he moves freely and issues that deep bark that always served notice of his presence. It is almost like he is hoping that this will be enough to gain clemency from the governor and gain a reprieve. If it made sense I would grant it. If I could turn back time I’d make him young again and we’d get more time together.
Fourteen years ago I was a single man and he was the one I’d share all my stories with. We’d take long walks at the park and wander the beach together. He has witnessed some of the biggest moments of my life. And all he has ever asked of me is a little food and companionship. It has been a good deal for both of us.
Tonight the children gave him an extra big hug goodbye and so did I. I bent down and rubbed his belly. I leaned over and made a point to smell him so that I would remember his scent.
Good morning dear reader, the question of the day is, Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?
What do you think?
Dear Moms of the world,
The fathers of your children and oftentimes husbands have noticed that there seems to be an inordinate amount of drama surrounding birthday parties. We don’t understand what is so hard about scheduling them and the back channel talking about who did what, where and why.
We don’t spend time worrying about throwing the best or most outlandish party. All we care about is seeing that our children have a good time. Water balloons, pinatas and silly string are good props.
Why must this be turned into a big deal. We don’t expect to get a satisfactory answer for this any more than why you have 27 pairs or shoes or need a new dress for every party we attend. What is the point and the purpose.
Now if you’ll excuse us we are off to bang ourselves in the head with a baseball bat, it is faster and more effective than the slow torture methods you engage in.
I am spitting blood over the mayor’s decision to pay for Michael Jackson’s funeral.
Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, back after a nine-day vacation in South Africa, on Monday did his best to snuff out a smoldering debate over whether the city should try to recoup its expenses for the Michael Jackson memorial at Staples Center last week.
The mayor said the city would pick up the estimated $1.4-million tab for police protection, traffic control and other services and not bill the Jackson family or AEG, the company that owns Staples.
“This is a world-class city, and we provide fire and police protection. Period. The idea that we would charge the family for a funeral is nonsensical,” Villaraigosa said, adding that AEG also should not have to reimburse the city. (emphasis mine)
Mr. Mayor, this is asinine and anyone with an ounce of common sense understands the difference between a funeral and a media event. The Jackson family did not have to have an event on the scale of the one that we saw.
There were numerous other options that could have been chosen at far less cost to the city than this one. There is a laundry list of financial issues facing the city that take precedence over this.
Our public education and health systems are failing and while this may be an insignificant amount compared to what it really is going to take to fix things, it is simply irresponsible to spend it this way.
We love the Lakers and were happy to have a parade that was paid for by private donors. It wasn’t hard to make that happen and it wouldn’t be hard to ask AEG and the Jackson family to cover the costs of this spectacle.
Don’t lie to us about this or try to make it seem like any Angeleno would receive similar care. It is shameful behavior on your part. With leadership like this it becomes ever more apparent why more people are looking to leave the city.
Once it was a dream, a place ran to, but lately it is becoming a nightmare. You can and you must do better.
Thanks,
Jack
I have to thank Harry Maryles for sending a ton of traffic to Lulei Demistafina. Two things, ClooJew has reappeared in the blogosphere. He commented here last week.
And as expected these guys aren’t sticking around. Maybe I should stick a picture of me strolling around Boro Park while wearing a nice Borsalino .
A reader wrote in and asked me to provide a list of posts that offer useful tips and or comments on blogging.
Here is a collection of links that you can use to read past posts about blogging tips and comments that you may find to be useful. This is not supposed to be all inclusive. Part of the reason I am doing this for my own organizational purposes. It is a good excuse to begin collecting these so that I can refer to them more easily.
As always, if you have something that you would like to add or share please include it within the comments or send an email to: talktojacknow-at-sbcglobal.net.
Blogging Tools
How to Write a Professional Blog
Does Your Blog Need A Mission Statement?
Blog Cliques/Blog Communities
My Blog Posts Need A Soundtrack- Thoughts on Writing
Permalinks and Your Blog
Blogging Etiquette
How To Deal With Writer’s Block
Why Some Blogs Fail
How Many Blogs Do you Read?
Would You Prefer More Readers or More Comments?
Bloggers Are Arrogant- The Genesis of a Blog
If I Started Blogging Today
How To Get More Readers For Your Blog
Defining a Successful Blog: What is More Important- Traffic or Comments?
Be a Better Blogger- Write More Frequently
My Best Writing
My Blogging Style- Personal Versus Professional
Saudi family sues genie, alleges harassment
The lovely Saudis are in the news again. Someone better call Tony, because Genie is out of her bottle again.
CNN) — A family in Saudi Arabia has taken a genie to court, alleging theft and harassment, according to local media.
The lawsuit filed in Shariah court accuses the genie of leaving them threatening voicemails, stealing their cell phones and hurling rocks at them when they leave their house at night, said Al-Watan newspaper.
An investigation was under way, local court officials said.
“We have to verify the truthfulness of this case despite the difficulty of doing so,” Sheikh Amr Al Salmi, the head of the court, told Al-Watan. “What makes this case and complaint more interesting is that it wasn’t filed by just one person. Every member of the family is part of this case.”
The family, which has lived in the same house near the holy city of Medina for 15 years, said it became aware of the spirit in the past two years.
“We began hearing strange noises,” the head of the family, who requested anonymity, told Al-Watan. “In the beginning, we didn’t take it seriously, but after that, stranger things started happening and the children got really scared when the genie began throwing stones.”
A local charity has moved the family to a temporary residence while a court investigates, the newspaper said.
In Islamic cultures, a belief in genies, or jinns, is common.
Genies not only appear in pre-Islamic fiction such as “Arabian Nights,” but are also mentioned in the Quran.
Many Saudis believe invisible genies live among them and are capable of demonic possession and revenge.
When I sat down to write this post I thought of my blogging friend and Chevrusa, Rabbi Fleischmann. He is an elder of the Jblogosphere whose blog is described as Postings From An Eclectic Soul. I have to concur, but that is a good thing. I appreciate his ruminations and thoughtful remarks.
His style of writing is a bit different from mine, but I like the way he rambles and ambles on. It reminds me a bit of taking a tour of a museum. As you walk your guide provides the background on the art work and little nuggets of information that you won’t find in the guide books.
A shooting range is an interesting place. Walk inside and you are truly among the people. It is a mix of classes and ethnicities. People of all shapes and sizes, ages and backgrounds converge inside. Some are in there because they want to shoot their demons and firing endless rounds of ammo is a good source of stress relief. Some are there because they want to feel impowered or powerful and some are there because they are a forty year old man who has never fired a real gun.
It doesn’t really matter what the motivation or reason for being there is. I included it because I liked the way that it sounded. I am not antigun and didn’t grow up in an antigun house. Can’t say that I see the reason for owning assault rifles or fully automatic weapons, but I understand why someone would want to own a gun.
I don’t have one and am not sure if I really want one in my house. I have mixed emotions about it. In part I just don’t want to have to worry about it. Some of you might find that to be silly, but I know what it is to engage in a fist fight. I can tell you what it feels like to feel your fist smash into the side of a head, to break a nose or knock out teeth. I know what it is to be hit and to hurt.
I took aim and slowly squeezed the trigger. Again and again I fired, creating a pattern of dots on the target. After a while all of the clips were empty so I stopped to reload. My friend looked at the target and congratulated me on my aim. He explained that I haven’t been shooting long enough to compensate for the recoil and had me switch from a 9mm to a revolver.
I took that .357 in my hands, and thought about Dirty Harry. I had been inside for more than an hour and was really beginning to enjoy it. Initially I had been a bit nervous. What if I did something stupid and hurt someone or me. I didn’t want to be that guy, not the guy who shot himself in the foot.
He put a new target up. Instead of a big sheet of paper with black and white concentric circles it was a sheet of gray. On the paper there was the drawing of a male torso. It was sectioned off with point totals for hitting various parts of the body.
I listened as he explained why it was better to shoot at the torso, how these places offered a bigger target and would most likely disable the attacker. Then I put four shots through the head of the target.
Seriously, no exaggeration. He told me to switch to the body and I made a nice little pattern across the chest. Was it beginners luck? I don’t know. I am not bad at the video games that require shooting skills.
In between rounds of shooting and watching I thought about it all and why I was there. When you are angry and in a physical altercation you don’t think about what you are doing to the other guy. You are thankful that it is not you who is getting hurt, at least until it is all done. Because it is only later that you discover all the injuries to yourself.
But I took the guns more seriously. The potential for serious injury or worse is much higher and I thought about it. Regardless of whether I ever own a gun I want to be proficient with their use. There are plenty of reasons why, more than enough to make sense to me.
And from an entirely different perspective, it was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the challenge of hitting the targets. I appreciated the stress release. And I appreciated how while I was shooting the world became very quiet. For a brief moment in time, it was silent and there was a peaceful feeling.
Now that may sound barbaric to some of you. It may sound backwards or strange, but I seek out the things that bring me that sort of focus. I seek out that which allows me to shut out the noise and have that quiet.
That sort of quiet is far too important and far too rare.
After five years of blogging I can lay claim to having become an expert on some areas of blogging and yet still remain a novice in others. Although I have to admit that part of me laughs as I type expert.
The source of my laughter comes from my skepticism and disdain for the hordes of people who claim to be experts in blogging, SEO, social media etc. That is not to say that experts do not exist, but that I do not believe that there are as many as lay claim to the title.
Now we could go on about why I feel this is so and the need for a consensus as to what skills/achievement you need, but that is far too dry for me right now. So let’s get back to the topic of blogging tools.
When I refer to blogging tools I am speaking about the things that we need to blog effectively. That is a very broad topic and it covers many things such as blog platforms like Blogger, WordPress and Typepad. It certainly covers writing tools/resources such as dictionaries and thesauruses.
But it also refers to some of the technology tools that we have access to, such as RSS Feeds, blogrolls, news aggregators and other devices that enhance the blogging experience.
I have recently added some new widgets that I hope will help this blog. They include the Outbrain links, Twitterfeed, Lijit and a couple of others. The goal/objective of these items is to do one thing:
Help increase and retain readership.
That is it, increase and retain readership. That is what I want to do. I want more readers to follow along and hopefully participate in an active comment section I am not going to quit if it doesn’t happen. I have been blogging for five years without pay. You don’t do it for that long without enjoying what you are doing. I like this.
But every now and then you need to reset the bar and give yourself something to shoot for. So that is what I am doing now, resetting the bar.
This leads me to my next question. What sort of blogging tools do you use and what do you think about them?
The latest edition of Haveil Havalim is now live. Here we are at issue number 225. You can find a list of past and future hosts here.
Some guy named Jack is going to be hosting next week. I think that will be 39th time, but I am not sure.
(This is for Fragments of Fiction)
My name is Jack. I am a single father who works as a journalist for the local paper. I have a a bi-weekly column that is read by more than 1 million people and I am the author of three books, with a contract to write more.
On the weekends I coach my son’s soccer team and drive my daughter to dance class. I have two girlfriends who really are just that, girls who are friends. Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between a girl friend and a wife. They both tell you what to do and neither put out.
I suppose that the real distinction is that the girl friend doesn’t receive a piece of my paycheck each month so that they can live in my house with Rudy, the flying Dutchman.
I know, that sounds overly bitter. My therapist told me that I should be happy about this. She said that it would be good for the ex to have a man in her life, that it would make her happier and as a result she would be easier to deal with.
I tried to look at it that way, I really did, but there is 6’2 of stupid preventing me from doing so. The same 6’2 of stupid that is shtupping my wife, sleeping in my bed and enjoying the house that was the fruits of my labor.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re better apart. It was a long time coming and something that I should have done years ago. I didn’t mind her taking the house because it was easier than uprooting the kids. But I won’t lie about being irritated about the cold Germanic figure that lives there now too.
We might not have had the greatest marriage, but we had a great house.
And now instead of having a bad marriage and a great house I have a bad apartment and a lot of freedom. So I suppose that there is something to be said for that. The girl friends keep telling me that if I moved out of the bad apartment I’d find it easier to date.
I keep telling them that I don’t want to date, but they ignore me. So then I tell them that misery loves company which is why they want me to get involved with another woman. I think that it is hysterical and every time I say this I crack up.
For some odd reason they don’t. And for that same odd reason they aren’t interested in hearing about what I think women are good for. That is ok, I don’t really want to tell them.
A while back my daughter found some old love letters that a lost love once sent to me. She had a field day with that. Ever since then she has been pushing me to try and look her up. She tells me that she can tell from the letters that she really loved me and that no woman who wrote those things ever stops loving the man she wrote them about.
I smiled and thanked her. She smiled back and told me that I was too young to give up. I think that the girl friends and her must be talking about me when I am not around, because I am getting tag teamed.
Anyway, I am on deadline for my next column. Since the ladies of my life are so intent on pushing relationships upon me I decided to show them by writing about the end of relationships. Something really bitter and biting, that ought to shut their mouths.
So here you have my first draft of my next column. I think that it has real potential.
Always On My Mind- Willie Nelson
Thanks to technology there are a million new ways to break someone’s heart. A million new methods of letting someone that you once loved or perhaps still do that you just can’t do it anymore.
In the age of instant gratification and social media it won’t be long before we hear/read the tales of dismissal. Husbands who let their wives know they are leaving them by unfriending them on Facebook or girlfriends who let their ex know their new status by tweeting it.
It is kind of funny in an I am not smiling kind of way to think how these time saving tools of communication can take the intimate and personal and turn it into something mechanical, cold and sterile.
What do you call people who do this? Awful, callous and cruel come to mind. Descriptive words that fail to capture the essence of how truly horrible being dumped in this fashion can be.
But let’s face it, being dumped isn’t a pleasant experience. It is not necessarily easier to stand or sit in front of someone and listen to them tell you that they have lost that loving feeling. I suppose that it doesn’t make a difference, even if they haven’t lost it, but are ending things because circumstances make it impossible to continue.
In the end you still ask those questions. You still wonder what you did or what you could have done. Surely there is a word or gesture that would have spared you the angel of death speech. Had you only known then they would have passed over and you’d be ensconced in your cocoon of love and happiness.
“I am a big fan of soundtracks. A good soundtrack is a critical part of a movie/television show as it helps to paint a picture and set the mood. Think about watching a horror movie, without the sound it is just not that scary. The music sets the tone, even if you are not familiar with a particular movie the music affects your feelings and emotions.” -Jack
If you want compelling content that hooks a reader I suggest that you find a way to incorporate music into your posts. Music is a very useful tool that you can use to set a mood and to help color the scene you are setting.
I write these posts because I love to write. It feels natural to sit here and find ways to arrange the words so that they evoke thoughts and feelings in myself and those who read them. So
I intentionally try to seek out pieces that complement the words that you read here.
The music helps to fill in the gaps that language cannot reach and to help express the thoughts and ideas that I am trying to share with you. So it is with some regret and frustration that I say again that I wish that I could play an instrument and write musical pieces.
There are moments when I dream about having the time to devote to this. There are moments when I dream of writing a symphony or opera about life, love and heartbreak. Moments where I can almost hear the song of my soul and I think that I am crippled by not being able to truly share it.
Now I can take advantage of the resources that we do have and provide links that you can use to hear some of what I am referring to. In some cases the music has such a strong association with a movie that it becomes easier to use it to draw a picture for the readers.
Ideally music is there to supplement the writing and not to supplant it.
A bad case of stupid seems to be going around. There is an abundance of morons, the supply of idiots seems to exceed the demand. And the worst part of this is that I seem to be exuding the imbecile pheromone in waves.
I know, that seems to be an excessive use of language to expound upon the extreme irritation that I feel. At the moment I want to be the guy leading the villagers to torch the damn castle. Give me a broad sword and a doorway and I swear to you that I none shall pass.
WTF, STFU and a healthy dose of assorted curse words don’t begin to properly express the frustration and anger I feel.
I am trying…struggling…to properly explain what set me off, but words fail me. I can’t quite get it out in a responsible fashion, so I am going to babble and rant for a moment.
One of the benefits of being a responsible adult is that I recognize that my actions have consequences. I understand that acting in haste and anger does not serve me well. So even though I am dying to tell you in excruciating detail about the company and individuals who are the source of this, I am not going to.
Not yet.
I am not going to because they deserve special attention. They merit the sort of treatment that gives CEOs and shareholders palpitations.
So Mr and Mrs. Stupidhead (five year old insults are great, aren’t they) I am notifying you that I have been documenting your actions for quite some time. I notified you repeatedly about these infractions and you agreed that this was unacceptable.
But you have chosen to ignore all of this so I am going to follow through. Your reign of terror is going to end. I am going to take you down a notch or two, myabe even five or six.
And when it is all done, when the dust has cleared we’ll probably find that this was completely unnecessary. Just one stupid moment in time, but stupid is as stupid does, and you are stupid heads.
Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well.
Advertising Age has an interesting article about a study that was conducted about the users of various social networks.
The survey was conducted by Anderson Analytics this past June. It covered a variety of areas and breaks down a number of the social networks, including Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and LinkedIn.
There were a number of things that I thought were interesting, such as the information about people who do not use the networks:
Contrary to what some might think, people who spurn social media aren’t tech haters. In fact, they spend as much time as social-media fans surfing the web. But they say they don’t use social media for three basic reasons: They don’t have the time, they don’t think it’s secure or they think it’s stupid. While the first two groups — which Anderson labels “time-starved” and “concerned” — may be swayed to join eventually, don’t hold out much hope for the last group: 94% said they will never use social media.About 22% of time-starved people said they’ll be using social media within three months, and another 27% said they probably will within a year — when they get the time that is; they’re more interested than all others in pursuits such as exercise, entertaining, music and movies.
The concerned non-users are an older demographic (one-third are retired) who don’t use social networks because they’re worried about their privacy. However, they do recognize value in social media and may join as they become more comfortable with it.
That makes sense to me. It fits with what I have been told and what I have observed. That is not to say that my experience is going to be applicable in all situations, but…
I avoided using Twitter for a long time because I didn’t see the value proposition, but I have long since changed my mind. I thought that the information on that was interesting as well.
This is the super-user group. Twitterers are more interested than the others in many subjects but skew particularly high in all news categories, restaurants, sports, politics, personal finance and religion. They also especially like pop culture, with music, movies, TV and reading, ranking higher than average. And their buying habits mirror that. They’re more likely to buy books, movies, shoes and cosmetics online than the other groups.Twitterers are also entrepreneurial. They are more likely than others to use the service to promote their blogs or businesses. How do they keep going? Coffee, apparently. Some 31% buy coffee online, far above the average 21% of other social networkers.
They’re more likely to be employed part-time (16% vs. 11% average), have an average income of $58,000, and average 28 followers and 32 other Twitterers they’re following. They’re not particularly attached to the site, though — 43% said they could live without Twitter.
This should be interesting. A little competition never hurts. In any case, I expect that we are going to see some relatively big changes within the next five years.
(CNN) — Google is jumping into Microsoft Windows territory — and threatening to change the way personal computers work — with its own version of a computer operating system.
But why should you care?A trim and speedy Google operating system, which has been buzzed about online for some time, is interesting for several reasons — even if you think it could flop out of the gate
The first is that Chrome OS will be available as “open-source” technology. That means software developers will be able to mess with the code behind the system, allowing them to develop new applications for it.In essence, it puts the users in control.
This wisdom-of-the-masses philosophy flies right in the face of Microsoft Windows, which keeps its code locked away.
The open-source nature of Chrome OS also has led to some speculation that the software will be free, as many open-source platforms are. Google Inc., based in Mountain View, California, hasn’t commented on price as of yet, although most of its services, such as Gmail and Picasa, are free.
Second, Google’s operating system supports another buzz term in the tech world: cloud computing. That phrase means a bunch of things to different people, but it essentially refers to the idea that a lot of computing can be done through Internet servers instead of on the computer that’s sitting in front of you.
Cloud computing, in part, is behind the rise in netbooks — small laptops that are essentially portals of entry into the much greater vat of information, storage space and computing power that exists “in the cloud.”
Google’s blog says its OS will be designed specifically to work with netbooks at first. Later versions are expected to target the larger desktop and laptop computer markets.
The OS also probably will partner well with Google’s Web browser, also called Chrome. Essentially, the operating system could become an Internet-based experience.
Michael Arrington, co-editor at TechCrunch, says that’s a big threat to Microsoft’s business, but it may help consumers.
One of the things that I find interesting about blogging is how a seemingly innocuous post can lead to another or a series of posts. When I wrote Let’s Marry For Money I didn’t have any intention of riffing off of it again. It was supposed to be one and done.
But people plan and god laughs so here is the skinny on how this all happened. CNN linked back to the post which sent a slew of traffic here. I noticed the traffic and went to CNN and saw that a few other people had blogged about the story and decided to check out what they had said.
So I stumbled onto a blog called Kiss and Type where I came across a post that grabbed my attention with the remark below:
I personally wouldn’t get involved with someone who didn’t have a facebook page. To me it is a huge red-flag. My immediate thought is, “what does this person have to hide?”.
It caught my eye because for a long time I didn’t bother with Facebook or Twitter or a number of other social media devices. It wasn’t because I had anything to hide but because I didn’t see the value proposition in them. They didn’t offer anything to me other than another thing that would serve as a time suck and since my time is/was so limited I was hesitant to get involved in them.
For a moment I was bit nonplussed by all of this and I found myself shaking my head. It seemed so obvious to me that this was a silly line of thought on her part. But when I stopped to think about it I realized that there are some dramatic differences between us.
She is 24 and single.
I am 40, married and have two kids.
On a side note in our youth obsessed culture I have to acknowledge that I don’t like the way that it looks. I may be 40, but I don’t feel 40. I still see myself as a twenty something year old guy, but I digress.
Anyhoo, it occurred to me that maybe there is a Facebook generation gap. Now I am cool with there being a generation gap between my kids and I, that makes sense, it is natural.
But am I really old enough to say that there is a generation gap with the twenty somethings of the world? Well I guess that the answer is, sort of.
If I wanted to list my old man credentials I could point out that I was born just prior to man walking on the moon, no smoking sections were the equivalent of being environmentally friendly and people who thought that Pet Rocks and Lava Lamps were cool. Ok, I still like Lava Lamps, but I digress.
We didn’t have call waiting, answering machines, cell phones, a PDA referred to affection between two people and hip hop was something that frogs did. In fact we didn’t have roller coasters, when we wanted excitement we just flung ourselves off the top of a cliff and bounced our way down the side of the mountain.
I grew up in a world in which cleveland hadn’t won a sports championship and was made fun of. Ok, some things haven’t changed. Sorry Ezzie.
What can I say, it really does feel strange, but if Facebook disappeared I wouldn’t notice. And I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to hear that someone didn’t have a Facebook page because about a third of my friends still don’t.
It is a different world out there now.
Ahh young Jessica Wakeman, you are entitled to your opinion even if it is childish, garbled and moronic. I can’t decide if I am bored enough to have all of the fun that I could have with this…Let’s play for a moment or two.
(The Frisky) — There’s a new book out called “Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream — And How They Are Paying For It,” by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake.
Forget for a moment that they annoyingly refer to grown women as “girls” in their title and check out their thesis: because, for a variety of reasons, men earn more money than women, it’s a wise move to marry someone who can provide for you and your family.
I find it funny that someone who thinks that it is annoying to call grown women girls can turn around and say that she wants to marry for money.
I haven’t read the book, so I have no idea if it is filled with sexist swill or not. But just reading Newsweek’s article about the book, it sounds like pretty sensible advice to me.
Before you get upset, I will acknowledge a bunch of things that I know to be true: yes, women earn less than men for a lot of sexist reasons and that discrimination must stop. Yes, mothers get “mommy-tracked” and their careers are stalled. And of course there are all kinds of misfires to the “marry rich” idea, such as the rich guy who is an a-hole. But that doesn’t change the fact that marrying a man with money can be a better idea than marrying someone who is broke.
A bad match is a bad match regardless of finances. It might sound like it is easier to marry someone who has money, but if you don’t click the cash won’t matter, unless you really are shallow.
Take me, for instance. I’m afraid I’m going to get tarred and feathered as a “bad feminist” for admitting this, but yeah, I do want to marry someone who can financially support both me and our kids.
I get the feeling that you don’t know what side you want to take here.
I’m not ashamed to “marry for money,” if that’s what would you can even call it, because I don’t fundamentally believe it is the “man’s role” to provide for women.
So does that mean that you intend to earn enough to support the family. Would you support a husband who wanted to stay home and raise the kids.
My actual motivations, as I see them, are pure enough. I know of great guys out there — journalists, teachers, non-profit dudes — who will probably make great dads. But I personally wouldn’t pair up with them because, realistically, our two salaries together just wouldn’t be enough to cut it for what I want out of life. But, but, but, “Bank accounts shouldn’t matter at all!” And while I agree with that in theory, sorry, a man who can provide for me and our children is just much more attractive to me.
Why not just have the intellectual honesty to do away with the fake apology. You have expensive taste and you don’t want to have to give it up.
Bank accounts — and debts — do matter. And acknowledging that doesn’t make me a gold digger akin to Anna Nicole Smith — it makes me smart.
Nah it just proves that you are young and inexperienced. There is so much more to a relationship than a bank account.
Right now, I rent an apartment in New York City (not cheap) and pay all my own bills myself. But I’m living at the edge of my own means as it is. I don’t make a lot of money as a journalist, I owe lots of money to student loans and unless my future husband or I had a great job prospect someplace else, I don’t want to live outside New York City, or very far from NYC, because that’s where the media capital of the world is right now.
It seems a bit hypocritical this position of yours. You can barely survive on your own. You hope to maintain residence in one of the most expensive cities in the US while simultaneously maintaining lifestyle that you can’t currently afford on your own. You’re fooling yourself.
Maybe this isn’t “feminist,” but logically, I need to marry a guy who makes more money than I do — preferably a lot more money than I do — for us to be able to afford what I want and I hope he will want, too. An apartment big enough for kids, prenatal care, doctors appointments, birthday presents, vacations, summer camp, college, their own car, all that stuff.
You don’t have a clue how much all that costs and how quickly a decent salary will disappear. But if you have any sense you’ll adjust your expectations like most mature adults.
I know parents can raise children well on much less. But personally, that’s not the lifestyle I grew up with. I want to be able to give my children everything I had — maybe a little less, maybe a little more — because I think my parents did a great job.
Stop apologizing. Own this or give it up. You grew up with money and can’t imagine what life would be like without it. Well, the beauty of life is that it has a way of providing its own education.
We all had hopes and dreams that we had to adjust to the reality of the day. So many things can happen that are beyond your control. One catastrophic accident can send your world spinning.
But let’s ignore that and get back to the real point here. The worst advice anyone can give another is to marry for money. Money doesn’t buy happiness or love and without those two items marriage is a waste of time.
Now that we are half way through the year it is time for a look at the most popular posts. This is based upon the various stat checking services we use:
The Duggar Family Revisited
War in Gaza Update #16
Want to Boycott Israel
The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants
Besheret- The Concept of Meeting the Perfect Mate
What Are Your Favorite Song Lyrics?
A funny email about anger management
Weird Signs
No! No! No! Eye Tattoos Are Out
Here is a short list of keywords that were used to find this joint:
stairway to heaven backwards
Pesha Rachel
Don’t You Forget About Me
Be Safe In Your Travels
Johnny loves June
how to write a professional blog
How to name a blog
how to win a woman’s heart
how to hardboil eggs
Duggar family
favorite song lyrics
crazy little thing called love
This deserves more commentary, but I don’t have time now.
I am wrestling with a number of decisions that are significant to me because they will have an impact upon my life that I cannot measure nor predict with the sort of accuracy that I would like. There are no guarantees that the determination will overcome the challenges presented by the dilemmas that stand before me.
A number of years ago I began walking path that had no clear end in sight. It wasn’t a yellow brick road leading to an emerald city, nor a hike through woods filled with talking trees and flying monkeys.
There have been hills and valleys and some of the most spectacular scenery I have ever experienced. I have shared moments with my companions that have been nothing short of breathtaking. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that some of these have been life changing.
So to continue with the analogy I would say that I have reached the top of a mountain. Here at the peak I look out upon several different valleys and try to gauge which one offers the most promise, let alone the best path down. The problem is that from up here they all look roughly the same, so I can’t really determine what is best.
All I can do is head down the other side and hope that I don’t slip and fall ass over elbow. While it is a faster way of descending it is significantly more painful. And now for a runon sentence: If life were like Scooby Doo I’d simply roll down the snow covered side because you know that along the way I’d turn into a big snow ball which would engulf the bad guy who would tell everyone that he would have gotten away with it had it not been for those meddling kids.
On a more serious note I am not kidding around when I say that I have learned that oftentimes the journey is more important than the destination. I rather expect that in the near future I’ll elaborate upon that in a post.
By this point you are probably wondering what the hell the title is about. Am I talking about life at the Disneyland Hotel or the Grand Floridian. Is this going to be another post where I say that i think that Disneyland is better than Disneyworld. Will I start another discussion about why the Great Lakes do not have a real beach.
And what do I mean by anonymous blogger revealed anyway. Here are the answers to some of those questions.
My cousins in Florida invited the family out to Orlando and said that we should all go to Disneyworld. I looked into it, but don’t have the cash. I even offered to pay for my way working as a character. For some odd reason they didn’t think that I’d make a good Ariel or Snow White. I don’t understand, I promised to shave. And isn’t that mermaid chick supposed to be mute, it is not like my voice would detract from anything.
Whatever, the folks at Disneyworld are safe, more or less. Just watch out for the monorail, stupid muppets and flying dutchmen.
As for anonymity, I am seriously wrestling with giving up the mask and starting a new joint under my real name. I know, I know, many of you are shocked to learn that Benimble is not my real last name.
Give me a show of hands, how many people think that it is Jeff Schwartz? Ok, second show of hands, how many people know that more than one person blogs from here?
Stay tuned, because there is much more to come.
I have shown this before, but sometimes it is worth showing again. And now, one of my favorite quotes:
“All I know is, on the day your plane was to leave, if I had the power, I would turn the winds around, I would roll in the fog, I would bring in storms, I would change the polarity of the earth so compasses couldn’t work, so your plane couldn’t take off.”
And as I continue to write Fragments of Fiction I’ll continue to look at these stories and see if they have something to add to the one that is still unwritten
“Jericho, I’ll keep knocking because of the hope and the promise that perhaps one of those days the walls will come tumbling down.”
This looks like a decent workout. Twenty years ago I could have done it without a problem, today I think that I need to focus on getting back to a point where I can do it again.
But what I really get back into is a swimming program. I am exploring options through the Masters program.
Dad Doesn’t Always Have The Answers
It is another Saturday night and I am up far too late. It is well after midnight and the sun will come knocking upon my door far too soon. I had every intention of going to bed at a decent hour, but good intentions don’t always manifest themselves in the way that we intend and well….I am awake.
Not just awake, but wide awake. The blood is pumping and I am not exaggerating when I say that I am ready to go hit the gym. There is no doubt that if I wanted to I could stay up all night without any effort. But that is not what I want.
What I want, what I need and what I hope for are far different. One of these days I’ll blog about that, but not right now.
Now I am trying to wind down. Now I am trying to empty my mind the million thoughts racing through it so that I can climb into bed and sleep.
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It is a very hard time. It is hard for a million different reasons. A time of change and uncertainty that is impacting not just myself but so many of my friends. A time in which we are questioning many of the things that we thought were unquestionable. A time where we worry about the decisions we make because we no longer have just ourselves to worry about.
A time where we debate what is selfish and when is it appropriate to be selfish. Again, that is a post for a later date, but I don’t believe that being selfish is always a negative thing.
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A short while ago I stood outside and stared at the sky. An enormous moon filled the sky and was occasionally decorated with fireworks. I looked up and remembered a million different Independence Days from my past. Images of picnics, barbecues and swim parties floated across my mind and all sorts of other things.
I remembered being 16 and in Jerusalem. I held my girlfriend’s hand and walked through the city talking about what they were doing back home in the states. I thought about that moment and marveled that 24 years could have passed so quickly.
There were 38 of us in that group, a bunch of teenagers who turned into doctors, scientists, lawyers and business people. Twenty four years later we are down two members, one lost to cancer and another who took his own life.
Not sure why or how I got to thinking about that, but I did. Maybe it is because during a recent trip to The Coffee Bean a friend asked if I knew what happened to a girl who went to high school with us. I told him that she died three years ago, cancer.
He looked at me and asked if I was joking and I said no, rattled off three other people that have died from cancer. Looked at him and asked if that was normal, that I should know so many people who have died at such young ages.
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Earlier I sat at a family party with my son and fielded more questions about life. He asked what I did as a boy for the 4th of July and did grandpa let me play with firecrackers. He told me a few secrets about school and asked me to tell him some secrets of my own.
We laughed and wrestled and played catch. Later on he’d ask me a few more questions and I’d flip them back at him. I’d look at him and say, “what do you think happens” or “why do you think that.” It is good for him to have to think about things, let him work on piecing it all together.
After a few minutes he looked at me and asked me to confirm that sometimes dad doesn’t have all the answers. For a moment I mulled over telling him that we always do, but opted not to. Sometimes it is worth telling a white lie to make sure that he can sleep at night, but this wasn’t one of them.
I smiled and told him that sometimes all we can do is try our best to make a good decisions and then go from there. Dark eyes peered up at me and he nodded, “that is what I think too.”
I gave him a hug and we grabbed a slice of cake.
While he ate it I looked up at that moon and wondered if anyone else was staring at it and what they might be thinking. More than that I wondered again if I was facing one of those moments where life presents a fork in the road
This time I think that I might take it…
For Fragments of Fiction:
“But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything,” Good Will Hunting
I have always liked the line I quoted above. Some people get it and others understand it. But I kind of suspect that only a few really get it. That is a special sort of love. A different kind of love and if you have had it I hope that you were smart enough to recognize it while you did.
Because if you lose it than you start to understand a different sort of loss. Than you start to understand that there is an ache that never goes away and a hole that can’t just be filled. There is an empty place in your heart and no matter what you do or where you go the loss goes with you.
If you are lucky it is a temporary thing. Circumstances or some such thing pull you apart and you are given the hope that maybe, somehow, someway you can bring it back. Sure, there are no guarantees. It may not ever happen. It might be something that becomes a memory of a special time and place.
But then again maybe not. Maybe it is something that can be done. Because if two people love each other in that way and have that sort of you know in your gut it is real magic then maybe there is enough stardust still floating around to bring it back.
At least that is what I think. Because in the end I believe that there are people you fight for. There are relationships that are so important you jump into the fire and burn so that you have the chance to look them in the eye and see how they respond when you tell them that you love them and don’t want to miss out on life.
So that you can look them in the eye and see if the flame still burns or if it is truly extinguished.
Relationships are funny things and not always in the way that makes us laugh. Sometimes you have to shake up the dynamic. You have to walk away to regain your perspective no matter how much it hurts. You walk away so that you can catch your breath and recharge your batteries so that you are strong enough to carry the two of you.
And maybe, just maybe you’ll be proven right. Or maybe you’ll find out that you were wrong. But the bottom line is that you have to figure out what it is that you need to do so that you can sleep at night.
You have to be able lie in the dark and know that no matter what happens you did your best. And though it is certain that you have made mistakes, in the end you’ll rest more comfortably knowing that it is better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.
When bloggers ask for my advice on what they can do to build/improve their blogs I have a standard response.
Let’s go back to the headline of this post and tie it all together. Many people associate Mission Statements with business but there is no reason why they cannot be used here. A Mission Statement provides the purpose/reason for the existence of the business or in this case the blog.
In regard to blogging I think that they are useful because once you establish the reason/purpose you are blogging than it makes it easier to establish goals and objectives for your blog as well as an outline or road map to achieve them.
So we could say that the mission statement for your blog is almost more important than content. Or important in the respect that you need it to help guide your content. Once you know what your purpose is than you can work on providing content that serves that purpose.
What do you think?
It is a bit after 10:30 and I am waiting for my telephone to ring. I have a business call that I am supposed to receive any time now.
Actually, I was given a two hour window for this call. It is supposed to come between 10 and 12 and for some reason they are calling on my home line. Don’t bother asking why they are calling on that line, it is long and complicated story.
It would be much easier if they were going to use the good old mobile phone so that I would not be stuck like this. It feels a bit like I have been sentenced to serve jail time at my home. Mind you, I like my house. It is comfortable and there are things to do.
But then again it is because I have things to do that I am feeling antsy. The most important projects that I have on my to do list are time consuming and require my attention. I don’t want to start them unless I can block off a chunk of uninterrupted time.
I would handle little projects but because I have been exceptionally efficient I have already finished them. So I find myself sitting at my desk trying to stay occupied. I hate these two hour blocks of time. If I had more control of the situation I would have pinned them down to a more specific time, but I don’t.
So…..here….I…sit…waiting….and….waiting for the damn phone to ring. I am staring at it, trying to will it to ring, but it is not working. Today is definitely not the day to lose my Jedi mind trick powers.
I think that I’ll write another post.
I really like this song. I appreciate the sentiments for so many reasons.
He said I was in my early forties with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next dayslooking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in that this might really be the real end
how’s it hit you when you get that kinda news man what’d you do
and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn’t
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn’t such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I’d do if I could do it all againand then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what’d you do with it
what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it’Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
Tim McGraw
Spent a few moments here and there sifting through the Fail Blog and readily admit to laughing at some of what I saw there. But I find myself torn about it because I am troubled by some of it.
Thanks to the wonders of modern technology our greatest and worst moments can be forever immortalized. It is the kind double edged sword that troubles me because I know how badly I feel when I am embarrassed. Those sorts of moments stay with me, I am not always good about letting go of them.
So I have to ask myself what am I doing reading this blog. Am I being hypocritical or just finding another way to blow off steam. Maybe it is a little of both.
Does anyone recognize this? Don’t all raise your hands at once.
Don’t look so sad
It’s not so bad you know
It’s just another night
That’s all it is.
It’s not the first
It’s not the worst you know
We’ve come through all the rest
We’ll get through this…
I find myself wondering about many things. One of them has to do with a line I have seen many times in various job listings. Essentially it says that they are looking for applicants that are trustworthy.
Isn’t that self evident. It seems to me that no one wants to hire someone who isn’t trustworthy, unless they want to commit some sort of insurance fraud. In that case that might work out for them. Find someone untrustworthy who can burn down the store so that insurance money can be collected.
Kind of a silly thing if you ask me. But then again I find many job listings to be exceptionally silly and quite dull. It makes for good reading material if you have insomnia.
the candidate we are searching for should be better than the son of god. He/she has more than 1,98,720 hours of experience at all double o filing, is an expert in is0 6000 can quote Osha regulations with regularity and is willing to provide processing reports in multiple languages.
In addition the candidate will bring vast amounts of experience in filing stampy and procurement reports, can change light fixtures and is a team player who can work independently while simultaneously making the team look good.
Blah, blah, blah.
It is kind of ridiculous to see how much crap gets shoveled into these listings, really makes me wonder if the person who wrote it gets paid by the letter.
The beauty of insomnia is that it presents you with great opportunities to ponder the really important questions of life. Instead of lying in bed wondering if you were played for the fool or working on a plot to take over the world you can focus on key issues like why cleveland will never win a championship in anything.
But if you are me you have already figured that stuff out so you move on to the great philosophical questions of our time and with laser precision wonder how life without Caller ID was possible. If you are of a certain age you remember a time when few people had answering machines, call waiting didn’t exist and conference calling was limited to business.
And now all of those things are commonplace and expected to be part of regular phone service. Heck, long distance telephone calls are think of the past. You don’t have MCI, Sprint or Ma Bell trying to convince you that their long distance service is superior any more.
Anyhoo, as those sheep went soaring over my head and across the room I thought about Caller ID and and the famous Star 69/*69 function. You know *69, that is the one that dials the last number to call your phone. I used to hate that one.
You see when I try calling someone I don’t always leave a message. Sometimes people dial me back immediately and ask what I wanted. But the truth is that I really didn’t want anything special. I was just calling to say hi and when they didn’t answer I didn’t feel like speaking to the mechanical silence of their greeting.
So every now and then I’ll get a call back and we’ll go through this silly exercise:
Caller: Did you just call me?
Jack: I did.
Caller: You didn’t leave a message
Jack: I know.
Caller: Did you just call me?
Jack: I did.
Caller: Why didn’t you leave a message?
Jack: It wasn’t that important.
Caller: So why did you call?
Jack: I thought that we might catch up, been a while since we last spoke.
Caller: So why didn’t you leave a message?
Jack: I just told you why.
Caller: How are we supposed to catch up if you don’t leave a message?
Jack: I don’t know, does Western Union still exist.
Caller: I am serious.
Jack: So am I.
Caller: But why didn’t you leave a message?
Jack: It is one of the great mysteries of the universe like why would you live with a Dutch muppet.
Caller: That doesn’t make any sense.
Jack: This conversation doesn’t make any sense.
Caller: Why can’t you answer the question?
Jack: For the same reason that I can’t stop and ask for directions, because.
Caller: Now I am getting angry, don’t be like this. Please answer.
Jack: I did answer, but you didn’t like what I said.
Caller: No, you didn’t answer.
Jack: How did a simple telephone call turn into a fight.
Caller: If you’d answer the question we wouldn’t be fighting.
Jack: And if you had a penis you’d be a man or a wonder of science. I could market you on eBay and we’d be rich.
Caller: Now I am definitely angry
Jack: Don’t be, penis envy is really unbecoming. Besides you have no idea about how much trouble these things can be.
Caller: Some people might find that funny, but I don’t.
Jack: Have I ever told you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Caller: Many times.
Jack: What an ego.
Caller: You always say that if it is true than it is not bragging.
Jack: Good to see that you listen to some of the things I said. Now how about listening to me now.
Caller: I will, just tell me why you called.
Jack: Fine. I called to say that it has been far too long since have spoken, but you are off doing your thing and I tried to respect that. Since you turned my world upside down I can’t figure out how to turn it right side up. But I am not about to beg. You know how to find me. If you miss me, you’ll do the right thing. Besides, you are madly in love with me and until you accept that you are going to go off half cocked.
Caller: What the hell does that mean?
Jack: It means that I just accused you of having penis envy again, not to mention said that you are short, illogical and crazy. And I already answered virtually every question you have.
Caller: Sometimes I…
Jack: Not sometimes, all of the time, but I won’t hold that against you. Me, I’ll hold against you, but that other thing, not so much.
Caller: Don’t you understand I…
Jack: I understand it all. I just don’t accept nonsensical answers. But let’s move beyond that, have I told you how much I dislike the star 69 function.
And from there we progressed into a discussion about Caller ID. I said that I used to dislike it. My fragile male ego didn’t like the idea of people screening their calls. What do you mean you don’t want to speak to me.
However, over time it has grown on me and now I find that I really like it. This also explains why I need to go to Costco to return the phones I purchased from there. Or actually it offers a partial explanation of why I am going there.
The full explanation is that the Caller ID function on the telephone no longer works. So while twenty years ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about who is calling, now I am irritated. Yet another example of how technology has improved my life right into more frustration.
Coming soon, my rant about the Betamax and why the D.H. is an abomination.
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