I Don’t Wear Spandex, even in Dreams

Especially not yellow.

Haveil Havalim #229, Modi’in Edition

It is that time again: Haveil Havalim #229, Modi’in Edition.

Daddy, Why Are You Wearing Make-up?

There is nothing like being chastised by a five year-old first thing in the morning. Barely awake, semi groggy and in need of my caffiene drip I rolled out of bed and shuffled towards the bathroom. I didn’t make it more than ten feet when I was grabbed in a bear hug by the dark haired beauty.

Five years-old and going on 30 she reached tugged on my hand and told me to bend over and kiss her good morning. I was only too happy to oblige, the girl gives great hugs and I am a sucker for her. What I didn’t expect was the reaction that came with it.

During a pick up basketball game this week I took an elbow to the head and received a black eye. Well, it is not exactly black now. At the moment it is closer to purple, blue and black. She took one look and exclaimed, “Daddy, why are you wearing makeup!”

Since I was half awake it took a moment to realize what she was looking at. I must have stared at her for a moment because she put her hands on her hips and told me that she wanted an answer. I smiled and told her that it wasn’t make up. As I explained what happened to me she shook her head and told me that she doesn’t want me to play with boys because they play too rough.

I laughed and told her that I don’t play with boys. I play with men. As I said “men” I growled and then picked her up and twirled her around. She squealed with laughter and told me to hold still. With a very serious expression on her face she kissed my eye and then told me that she doesn’t want me to play anymore.

So I thanked her for her concern and told her that I am a big boy and I can make my own decisions now. This did not go over well and she told me that I always get hurt. I shook my head and gave her a list of my injuries.

In more than 25 years of basketball I have had very few injuries. One broken ankle, one broken nose, one dislocated finger, a few jammed fingers and two black eyes. Now mind you that I broke my ankle when I was 20. I received the first black eye three years ago and the dislocated finger about 18 months ago.

As I sat there rattling off the list of injuries and ailments I started to laugh. What the hell am I doing arguing with a five-year-old about this. I love the dark haired beauty, but at five she thinks that a week is forever, telling her about injuries from twenty years ago is ridiculous.

Slowly lowering myself to one knee I thanked her for her concern and told her that I appreciated it. And then she proved that she has been listening to me. With a plain expression on her face she looked me in the eye and told me that I can ignore her, but I am not going to like the consequences of my actions.

I can’t wait until she is a teenager, life is going to become so much more fun and interesting.

Atheists Are Happy People Too

This story ought to irk more than a few people.

“A new study of some 5,800 non-believers reports that contrary to popular conceptions of atheists as crabby misanthropes, they in fact tend to be as happy as their believing brethren, and are in fact more satisfied than people who are uncertain in their beliefs, or in their unbeliefs.

“This new survey reports that confident nonbelievers are more emotionally healthy with respect to ‘fence sitters’ or religious doubters, shows that ‘spirituals’ report less satisfaction with their lives than those who identify with other self-labels, and suggests that the common assumption that greater religiosity relates to greater happiness and life satisfaction is not quite true,” says a release from the Center for Inquiry (CFI), a leading association of secularists, humanists, agnostics and atheists — the range of “non-theists” who are often lumped in the polling category of “Nones,” or those who reported no religious affiliation.

CFI conducted the Non-Religious Identification Survey (NRIS) with Luke Galen, an associate professor at Grand Valley State University in Grand Rapids, Mich., who has an article on the study, “Profiles of the Godless,” in the current edition of CFI’s magazine, Free Inquiry.

One might expect that non-believers would already be pretty happy, given the high profile of recent best-selling neo-atheist authors Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris, and the fact that recent national surveys have shown a steady growth in the “Nones” to more than 16 percent of the U.S. population — a real eye-opener (and rallying cry) for those who preach about America as a “Christian nation.” That 16.1 percent figure comes from the huge U.S. Religious Landscape Survey released by the Pew Forum in April.”

A Successful Social Media Strategy (A Post That Needs Work)

Someone recently asked me to share an example of a post that I considered to be poorly written. So, per their request here is an excerpt of something that I wrote and dislike.

Part of my real world existence involves daily discussions about how businesses can craft a successful social media strategy. Every one of these discussions begins in the same manner. We sit down and have a brief conversation about campaign objectives. Is it branding, is it lead generation, is it crisis PR etc.

Once we establish what the overall objective is we can start outlining goals and action items. Basically, it is not much different than putting together a report such as we did as school children. You develop an outline and follow it.

Now that is a very rudimentary explanation that doesn’t take into account establishing benchmarks or constructing any sort of system of metrics that you can use to try and measure the success of your campaign. Metrics are important as they help give you guidelines that you can use to see if what you are doing is working, but it is also important not to overweight them.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I have had with clients and prospective clients in which they tell me about these elaborate proposals and presentations that were made to them. Every one of them filled with the latest marketing jargon and gibberish.

That sort of stuff is nice, but I wonder how much of it is smoke and mirrors. If you ask me a lot of it is fluff and padding that is thrown into the pitch because they are not confident with their services. I won’t present myself as being the best out there at what I do. Others are better and that is ok.

But I am effective and efficient and that is what I want in my social media strategy. I want to see a plan that I can understand and follow. I want to see simple metrics that

An Expert on Social Media

Lately I keep describing my life as being similar to a Bollywood production. Every where I look there are bright flashes of color and intricate dance routines being executed. I attribute part of the problem to being constantly connected to everyone and everything.

The BlackBerry is always buzzing with texts, emails and alerts from LinkedIn, Plaxo, Facebook and Twitter. And every other message is from a self proclaimed expert on Social Media. Every one of them offers a cure for what ills me or my business. Sign up now and you will receive a free ebook that outlines the seven steps you must take to send your business to the next level.

Click here and I, Jack, social media expert will gladly show you how to generate 1 million followers on Twitter, 5,000 friends on Facebook and much more. For a modest investment you can hire me and I will help you craft a the Keep It Simple Stupid Social Media plan for success.

I am sure that I am not the first one to roll my eyes about all of these experts, but at times it gets to be rather humorous. It creates sort of a clown car image in my mind. I can’t help but giggle at the thought of 176 experts on social media piling in and out of that tiny car.

Allow me to clarify my sarcasm. While I do not believe that there are as many experts in Social Media as claimed I haven’t any problem saying that they exist. So the question then becomes how do you find an expert and how do you qualify them as such. I think that I’ll leave that for a separate post on the matter.

Stay tuned to this bat channel.

The Other Israel

Think that Israel is a place filled with violence and strife. Read this and see that there is far more to Israel than war.

In the meantime look at this:

“Israel has a world class cultural scene. Want to see Franco Zeffirelli and Daniel Barenboim? No problem. The Alvin Ailey Dance Company visits. The opera plays to audiences at 97 percent capacity. Even at lower pay, (Israel) attracts the best talents from around the globe…

“Israel enjoys top universities, upscale restaurants, million-dollar homes, hoity-toity architecture, and the like. In the fourth quarter last year, when the global economy went all to hell, Israel’s annual, quarter-over-quarter rate of GDP was only off 0.5 percent, the best figure in the industrialized world. (The United States was off 6.3 percent and Japan 12.1 percent.) ‘Think about the resistance of our economy in recent times,’ suggests Zvi Eckstein, deputy governor of the Bank of Israel. ‘Our prime minister (has a stroke). The war in Gaza. The war in Lebanon. The government gets replaced. But we’ve maintained a stable macroeconomic structure and a strong high-tech sector…’

What’s the secret? A very conservative banking system…No mortgage crisis…A current account surplus since 2003…Negligible inflation…Prudent governmental fiscal policy… Healthy integration into the world economy. Last year, 483 Israeli high-tech companies raised a whopping $2.08BN (only US companies raised more). All the major tech players – Google, Microsoft, IBM – have large research centers in Israel. They go where the talent is…’Israel is today the third-hottest spot (after Silicon Valley and Boston) for high-tech venture capital in the world…’ Israel produces more science papers per capita than any other country. Israel lags behind only the United States in number of companies listed on NASDAQ. Twenty-four percent of Israel’s workforce has a university degree; only the United States and Holland have a higher number. Israel leads the world in scientists and technicians per capita…

The Enola Gay

Sixty four years ago the Enola Gay dropped the first atomic bomb used in warfare upon Japan. There is an interesting opinion piece in the WSJ that discusses the controversy that has developed over this.

It is worth reading and considering the positions of both sides. It is always easy to look back and critique the actions of the past. But we should remember that it is harder to try and truly understand the thoughts and sentiments of a particular time.

I have mixed emotions about it. Certainly you can point to the tremendous loss of life and say that many of those people were innocent. But, there are real questions about what would have happened had America been forced to invade Japan.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

Our pals at Toner Mishap turned us onto this tale of one man’s odyssey into the Twilight Zone.

A Wisconsin man who thought he was joining his lover at a motel for an afternoon tryst was instead blindfolded and bound while she and three other women, including his wife, berated and humiliated him over his infidelity, according to a criminal complaint.Four of the women have been charged with false imprisonment in the romance-revenge scheme and one of them is accused of sexual assault for allegedly super-gluing the man’s genitals to his stomach, the complaint says.

Apparently his lovely ladies didn’t like being part of a harem. As J. Geils used to sing, Love Sticks, er Stinks.

AP May Start Charging For Quotes

Just read a story on a CNN blog about a potential plan by the AP to charge for quotes. Until this is clarified I may stop linking to their news stories.

Apparently the AP is working with iCopyright and may begin billing for quotes as short as five words.

In a statement released Monday, the Associated Press claims the licensing “form is not aimed at bloggers. It is intended to make it easy for people who want to license AP content to do so.”

Bloggers may not be the primary targets, but vague licensing terms leave open the frightening prospect of legal action against anyone who quotes an AP article.

There are other news sources. As the blogger in the CNN post mentions the AP is shooting themselves in the foot. Ordinary bloggers are not going to want to pay for the content. To be clear they shouldn’t be copying and pasting entire articles, but a short excerpt is a different story altogether.

Links from Around The JBlogosphere

Did Benji ever get a date?
The Big Felafel Discussed The Hebrew U Bombing
Ben Yehuda Shared the Temple Festival
Thanks to Gail you can learn about Crazy Restaurants from around the world
Feeds impact blog traffic. I need to blog about that.
Soccerdad speaks about Linky love
I liked Leora’s picture.
Read Jameel’s piece about the IRS in Israel

Music of the Night

Streets of Jerusalem medley-Moshav
The Only One- Moshav
Jerusalem- Matisyahu
Don’t Give Up- Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
Blood of Eden- Peter Gabriel & Sinead O’Connor
Sweet Emotion- Aerosmith (love playing this on Guitar Hero, yep I am a happy geek)
Baby Please Don’t Go- Aerosmith
Staying Alive- The BeeGees
This Saturday Night Fever Clip still makes me smile
I’m On Fire- Bruce Springsteen
Hungry Heart- Bruce Springsteen

Old Posts Revisited

Occasionally I enjoy airing out the archives. Here are some posts that haven’t breathed fresh air in a while.

Blog Well and They Will Sing Your Praises
I Have Been Attacked By a Bubblehead
I Was Infected with A-Z Meme
The Almighty Speaks To Jack

Too Lijit To Quit & The Nigerian Email Scammer

So there I was minding my own business and just hanging out around the blogosphere when suddenly I was confronted by an email. Not just any email, but one of those Nigerian Email Scams. You know what I am talking about, it was one of those emails where someone promised me that if I helped them together we could make millions of dollars.

Now if you are one of the 17 long time readers you know that I am Jack, the Bishop of Bullfrog and scourge of the scam artists. I have engaged these fine men and women more than once in dialogue about these get rich schemes.

Recently I was contacted by another fine gentleman from a far away land who told me that fortune was smiling upon me. All I needed to do was work with him on a very simple plan and we would become rich, so rich that I could buy the burning river in cleveland. As you know that would make many people happy, a clean river, that is.

So when the fine fellow asked me if I was interested I told him that I was, but that before we could enter into partnership he needed to engage me in a traditional American business practice called educating the partner.

In this particular situation I told him that I wanted him to learn about a fine blogging service called Lijit. To help him I sent him a link and all of the text from Lijit’s about page. You know, it is that place where you learn that Lijit will make search on your blog to be more effective and more interesting.

Furthermore I instructed my new friend Simon Peeples that part of the traditional educating the partner involved creating a song and that if he wanted to work with me he would need to write mine and that not doing so is considered very offensive. But I also told him that since he is new to American business practices I would help him.

So I sent him a link to MC Hammer’s song Too Legit to Quit and told him that if he made a video of himself performing this I would be happy to work with him.

Sadly I still haven’t heard back from Mr. Simon Peeples. I am hopeful that it is because he is working on the choreography and that I will soon receive a link to his YouTube video. Not only that but I told him that if he does a good job I would pass it along to famous Hollywood Dance Producer Stampy Fellows.

We’ll have to wait and see what happens, but while we wait for Mr. Peeples may I suggest that you consider incorporating Lijit into your blog. It has been a very useful tool here and I have been pleased to use it.

Full disclosure, I am participating the in the Lijit Kindle Contest. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

June Is On My Mind

(More material for Fragments of Fiction. The hard part with Fragments of Fiction is that there are so many different fragments it is getting to be a bit more challenging to weave together.)

I have spent a lifetime trying to love June the best way I know how. It hasn’t always been easy and it hasn’t always been smooth, but I never doubted our love.

Often times when people say lifetime it is part of an expression that is demeaning or derogatory. That’s not the case here. When I say lifetime it is because I no longer remember a time when she wasn’t a part of me. It is a good thing, sometimes hard, but a good thing.

June and I have a special story that we share. It is a moment in time that never ends. It is the sort of thing that is hard to describe to those who have never had it. It is ok, I don’t really feel the need to.

But I can say this much, when June is 85 I’ll still see the girl she was and the woman she has become.

We are an interesting couple. Been through the usual peaks and valleys that couples hit. Some of them have been rougher than others. In fact I have thought from time to time that it is craziness to continue. You know, we teach our kids not to touch a hot stove, so what am I doing.

But the thing is this different. It is different because when the flame burns that brightly for another then you have to accept that the bumps are going to be a bit more jarring.

Took a long time for me to accept that. Took a long time for me to accept a lot of things that June knew before I did.

But this is how it goes. There is a reason why people use analogies like roller coasters and carousels. In my mind I often see June riding the horse next to mine. Most of the time our horses go up and down together, but every once in a while they get a bit out of sync.

Over time I have taught myself not to pay any mind to that. Things feel momentarily disjointed and then before you know it they snap back into place.

Main thing to remember is to be patient. There is a balance. Don’t want to push too hard, but don’t be afraid to push either. That is easier said than done. I don’t do well living like that. My nature is to seek and when I have located what I am looking for I go after it full bore.

It is a double edged sword, that sort of intensity. It is motor that powers the engine. Drop me into hell and I’ll go toe-t0-toe with Satan. Every time I hear the Devil Went Down to Georgia I smile, because I know that I can beat Old Scratch. Call him by whatever name you want, every time the song comes to this verse I smile:

“Johnny said: “Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again.
“I told you once, you son of a bitch, I’m the best that’s ever been.”

You can call it pride or foolish pride, it doesn’t matter to me because it is true. I promised June a thousand years ago that if necessary I’d storm the gates of hell for her. I swore that I’d do better than Orpheus and I meant it.

And now we come to the other side of that double edged sword, the place where we take a hard look at things and say well Johnny, what is the hang up. Well, the thing with the kind of intensity I mention is that it has to be reciprocated. It has to be wanted and sometimes even that desire isn’t enough.

If you ask me, that is one of the great mysteries of life. Two people can be totally devoted to each other and unquestionably in love yet forced to live separate lives. In theory there are few problems that cannot be overcome. Hypothetically speaking two people can find a way to overcome the kinds of challenges that prevent them from taking the step where they live their lives together.

But sometimes people are placed in a position where they are unable to work on that opportunity. It doesn’t mean that they can’t or won’t, just that they aren’t ready. And that my friends is why the intensity isn’t always a friend.

Because there are times when the motor is running and there is no where to run. So the trick is to try and find a way to use that energy in a positive way. Pacing back and forth like a caged animal doesn’t serve anyone.

So here I am, a boy who fell in love with a girl and dreams of the day when they might be more than a dream.

Second Annual JBlogger Conference

Friends if you haven’t heard the Second International Jewish Bloggers Convention is coming soon. Once again it is going to held in Jerusalem. If you haven’t been you don’t know what you are missing out on.

Our favorite wafflemaster Jameel will be there again as will our pal Benji. With any luck you’ll get a chance to enjoy some waffles with Jameel and Chumus with Benji.

Last year we laughed as David took on Bibi. Who knows what can happen this year. The possibilities are endless.

The Business Letter/Email Signatures With Bonus Audio

(playing in the background Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald)

For those of you who want an abbreviated version of this you can click on the link above. Otherwise here is essentially what I said.

During a recent conversation with a co-worker I realized that fewer and fewer of us remember a workplace in which computers were not included. Truth is that my own experience is limited in that respect, it has been 14 years or so since I worked in an office that didn’t provide computers for virtually all of its employees.

Back in those days I used a big yellow notepad to hand write business letters. I then passed those along to my secretary who would type them up and ready them for mailing. Those days are long gone, in large part to the prevalence of email. Since almost everything I send out is via email it is far easier for me to simply type the letters myself.

It is funny to think about how many changes have taken place in such a short time. I remember being taught in school how to write a business letter. I can still hear my teacher explaining the layout and format, how each piece had a specific location. If I close my eyes I can almost see her point to the salutation, the body and the signature.

Assuming that time hasn’t totally clouded my memory we were taught to use a few basic signatures. They included:

Yours Truly,
Kind Regards,
Sincerely,

As well as numerous variations of all three. But I don’t remember being taught that we had another option, “Best.”

When I become king of the world I am going to ban use of that as a signature. Best is the most superficial, fake and pretentious signature I have seen. I hate it, just hate it. Don’t know exactly why, but it just sets me off.

To be clear, I don’t think that the people who use it intend for it to come off as poorly as it does with me. But it doesn’t matter, I interpret it as being no different than being asked “how are you doing” by someone who doesn’t care how I am doing.

It just chaps my hide. I’d write more but I have to send out the kind of emails that pay the bills.

Multiple Facebook Accounts

Somewhere in the archives of this collection of comments and critiques is a post discussing the trials and tribulations of having multiple Facebook accounts. I mulled over searching for it but I am just not in the mood so forgive me if I repeat myself.

Anyhoo, I created two different Facebook accounts because I wanted one for the blogosphere and one for the real world. In theory it was a smart idea, at least when I did it I thought that it would be useful. At the time I hadn’t really figured out if I wanted to use Facebook so I set things up so that I would have the option.

Since then I have found that I use Facebook far more than I had anticipated. It has turned out to be a good tool for networking and for staying in touch with various friends and family. And yes, for those who wonder the networking has translated into dollars in my pocket. Woohoo! Not huge, but enough that I am grateful that it worked out.

The problem now is that with my limited time I am finding it harder to juggle it all so I face a few decisions. The simple choice would be to shut down one of the accounts and have one less responsibility.

I am not quite ready to do that. I am still contemplating tearing away the curtain on my anonymity and if I do that I might as well not throw away the contacts and relationships that have developed over there.

So for now I’ll do what I can to keep juggling things. If nothing else thanks to the magic of technology my blog posts will keep populating that place and provide some new content with some regularity.

Do you Take a Sleeping Pill When You Fly?

A number of my friends have jobs that make them into road warriors. It is not uncommon for them to fly several times a week.

During a recent conversation one of them told me that when he flies he often takes a sleeping pill just before take off. I must have made a face because he told me that it is quite common for people to do this.

So I am curious to get your feedback. Is this accurate, do many people take a sleeping pill when they fly? Are you among them? Do you like it? Do you do it to prevent boredom or stress?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Go Away Monday

As a child one of my favorite books was called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. When I was having a hard time with something mom would read that to me and remind me that sometimes we all have a bad day. I am not sure why, but I have this mental image of reading it on rainy days.

It is kind of funny to think about. I tower over my mother now, but in these memories I can picture climbing up on the couch and wondering when I would be tall enough for my feet to touch the ground. What happened Mom, you used to be so much taller.

Anyway, today has been a particularly grueling Monday. It is the kind of day where I feel like I have been kicked in the teeth so many times I can identify the kind of shoe leather my gums have been intimate with.

There is a massive knot in my neck and my jaw aches from being clenched. Call me what you will, but right now I feel like Atlas has fooled me into taking over his job. And maybe he did, maybe it happened. I can’t say for certain that it didn’t.

‘Cuz today is one of those days where I look in the mirror and wonder when was the last time I was happy. When was the last time I felt true joy because all I seem to see are storm clouds. I look toward the future and I hear the thunder and lightning. I look to the left and the right and see a pair of twisters heading straight for me.

The siren is blasting and Robbie the Robot is yelling “Danger Will Robinson” and instead of being confident that Jack will handle it all like 007 I am worried that I’ll turn into Doctor Smith.

I am trying to maintain some perspective about it all. Last week was D’s birthday. He would have been 40. In a couple of weeks we’ll watch as the 11th anniversary of his death comes and goes. I am still here. I am still kicking and though it feels like I am being kicked I have the opportunity to get through it all, he didn’t.

At least that is the sort of rah rah speech I have given myself. That is part of a “Jack Special.” Whenever things have been rough I have always found a way through. I have tripped and stumbled, but I always came through. I don’t expect it to be any different this time.

But I’d be lying if I didn’t secretly hope that I’ll wake up and find myself sleeping on the old couch. I’ll stand up and walk into the kitchen and climb up onto the counter to see if my father’s blue Dodge Dart is parked in the driveway yet. If it is I’ll go racing through the house to find him, time for him to play with me. Or maybe I’ll just play with my Legos and Lincoln Logs and try to keep my baby sister from wrecking everything I build.

Go away Monday, I have had enough of you today.

My Dream Job

If you ask me, the world renowned philosopher known as Jack, many things in life are backwards. We spend enormous amounts of our childhood in school being instructed about many important topics. It is hard to argue against education and I am certainly not going to do so.

But the hard thing about a school education is that it doesn’t always prepare you for the real world. It doesn’t give you the sort of life experiences that you can only find outside of the classroom and in some ways that is tragic.

The human life span is very brief. You are born, you hit middle age and then you die. It doesn’t provide much time for you to venture out into the world and learn about who you really are and what you like. Far too often you find that circumstances require you to spend your time working in places and situations that are not suited for you.

There are a variety of reasons why this happens, but not the least of which is that sometimes you cannot know until you try. You may think that you were born to be a teacher but until you hit the classroom and get real life experience all you have is your suppositions and expectations.

Most of us do not grow up knowing exactly what we want to do. Most of us have an idea or two, but we are not really sure so we just muddle our way into new things and hope that they work out.

I am no different. When I graduated college I had this dream of becoming a sports writer. It didn’t happen. I am not a sports writer and haven’t been one in years. Can’t even claim to be a writer who moonlights as a sports writer, a la Mitch Albom.

But that is ok. I am not some 25 year old kid who wishes that he could cover the Lakers or Dodger’s beat.

These days I have slightly different dreams of what and how I want to spend my time, not to mention, with whom. Life is a funny sort of creature.

I am a native Angeleno. Forty years spent in the great City of Angels and I have never cared at all about being a part of the business. Know all sorts of people who are. Writers, directors, producers, agents, I have friends in every category, some of who are quite successful.

And until recently I never cared one whit about being a part of that world. But a while ago something changed. A while back I realized that I really enjoy writing these Fragments of Fiction pieces.

I really enjoy trying to tell a story. It makes me very happy and I think that it could be fulfilling. So suddenly I find myself thinking that writing is really where I want to be. I find myself thinking about making a movie. I find myself thinking about how cool it would be to translate the things I see inside my head onto paper and then onto film.

So now I find myself wondering if I should pursue the dream. I don’t care about being famous, in fact I don’t really want to be. I want to be able to live my life without concern about being tabloid fodder. But it would be very cool to write a book and or a screenplay. Now I want the chance and the experience.

I may find that I hate it, or aspects of it. But I know for certain that I won’t ever get tired of telling stories. It won’t grow old for me. So now all I have to do is figure out a way to do it and fifty percent of my dreams will come true.

Apple and Blogger

I don’t know what is going on, but every time I use a Mac for blogging I find that weird pieces of code are inserted into my posts. Must be a setting, but I am getting sick of finding ‘divs’ all over the place.

A Song for June Continued

(Part one can be found here and some notes can be found here.)
Dear June,

This is the third attempt in the last hour to try and create something that is not stupid nor embarrassing. I am not sure that I am succeeding but I won’t fail for lack for lack of effort. I have tried to compose blindly as well as by using television themes.

Tell me dear June, would you not find it to be incredibly romantic for me to sing you a love song based upon the theme to Gilligan’s Island or Threes Company. Wouldn’t it be great to have it set to Sesame Street.

“Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
a tale of a fateful trip,
that started from this keyboard,aboard this tiny ship.

The blogger was a mighty writer, the girl a….”

See that is just horrible. Or what about:

“Sunny Days, sweeping the clouds away,
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to June’s street

Come and play
Everything’s A-Ok
Friendly games to play with June on June’s street

Can you tell me how to get,how to get to June’s street”

See, that is better than the first attempt, but not really what I want. And don’t even get me started about the attempt to use The Jeffersons or Land of the Lost.

As long we are playing this game I had thoughts to use themes from television/movies along with pictures. Could have done something with LA Law and Moonlighting. Played around with Dallas, Knots Landing and the Dukes of Hazzard. I even considered using the Drew Carey Show but didn’t for obvious reasons.

So I kicked all that junk to the cyberspace curb and mulled and considered my options. I let my iTunes shuffle run in the background. Was it coincidence that The Letter came on followed by Funkytown. I don’t know.

For a long while I lived my life the way that Mick sings in Visions of Paradise. He said it well with:

Just use your heart not your head
While I fall apart in my bed
I find myself aching for you
I feel myself breaking in two

So as I release a mighty sigh I think of you and smile and admit that thus far my attempt to write a song for you has been a bit of a bust. But old Johnny is what you can call, determined and tenacious. I don’t give in or give up easily. This was just the first round.

Haveil Havalim #228

The Jewish/Israeli blogosphere’s weekly blog carnival is live at Frum Satire.