Love me or hate me, but listen to me. 🙂
I decided to mix things up and share a couple of audio posts, one from today and one from last week.
Took at look at the previous post and thought about the beatings. Took a look somewhere else and saw a woman in a dress aand forgot the beating.
Thought about the dress and the woman and played around with a few ideas I won’t share here. 🙂
Remembered the beating and wondered if there isn’t a way to make everything work out as I hope. Decided there is, but can’t say for certain because we only get so much control over things, but who knows.
Stranger things than this have happened, sometimes hope and a dream can be enough…
Someone told me that things sound like they are pretty rough. I smiled and said I am taking a good beating and they said it didn’t sound pleasant.
I said it wasn’t and then explained I am surviving.
“What does that mean?”
I offered the following as a sort of explanation.
“The worst part of a fist fight to me isn’t necessarily getting hit. I don’t like it, but I hate the anticipation, wondering what might happen and whether it will really hurt. Once I get hit the anticipation goes away because I know what it feels like and I adjust.”
Can’t say they told totally understood, but I think they mostly got it.
What is going on right now is sort of an old-fashioned ass kicking but I give as good as I get, if not better.
I don’t want to say I have a handle on it all because I don’t, but I have a pretty good grip and most of the time I feel like it is getting better.
But there are moments that are heartbreaking and there is a dull ache that doesn’t want to go away.
Won’t be like this forever, just have to keep pushing forward. Would be nice to get some help and more than a hug.
But hell, even a hug or two would go a long way.
Regardless of what happens I am going to press on, can’t stare at the fog, have to walk into and through.
Not particularly happy about having to get on another plane but at least it is a quick trip.
Since I am not going be flying United brass knuckles are not needed. That is a good thing.
Wish this was done and over with because I have to deal with some crazy ass personal stuff that seems to be never ending.
A simple life would be nice but I don’t think simple is an option. However bat shit crazy shouldn’t be the default either.
I’ll get things situated and settled, but damn it would be nice to have some support.