Who Do You Trust?

A long while back someone kvetched at me about my unwillingness to open up to them. They told me they thought it was sad that I didn’t trust people enough to let them in and I told them they were misguided.

Misguided because I don’t require a ton of very close friends to feel happy or secure.  I never have and the older I get the smaller my circle seems to become.

I have never had trouble making friends and have been lucky to have some of the best a man can have. I am well aware of it.

And I am well aware of my proclivity not to share my thoughts with people I don’t consider to be part of that core group.

Since I am thinking out loud here it is probably fair to say that part of the reason my circle has shrunk is due to life. People change, people move and people get so busy they just lose touch with another.

So the shrinkage is natural.

I suspect I noticed it before I moved to Texas but Texas is where I became aware of it. Happens when you move away from your home state to a place where you only know a couple of people.

The person who complained about my unwillingness to share might have found it enlightening to have seen me in Texas because if they paid attention they would have noticed I didn’t run around trying to make friends.

Eventually I noticed how much time I spent by myself but that didn’t happen until I went through a bunch of holidays and realized I didn’t have anywhere to go.

It was surreal because if I had been in LA I would have  been bombarded with invitations but I didn’t have that same network in Texas.

Some of that was refreshing. It was nice to be alone on the Ponderosa and to have time to just be. It was nice to feel like I was starting over and I miss that.

It is also fair to say there were some lonely moments in Texas and times where I wondered when life would begin to feel normal and not unsettled.

But those didn’t happen very often.

And now that I have been gone for a while I miss it more than I can say. Not surprising to me to miss it, but interesting because I miss it with a much deeper intensity than I would have guessed.

Circle back to the friend bit and I’ll add that I am quite aware of whose presence I notice and whose I don’t. If you are among those I notice chances are I miss talking with you but it is also fair to say I tend not to chase people.

If I am important to them they’ll find me and make it obvious and if not, well that is ok too. We all have our priorities.

Not everyone deserves our trust or access to intimacy but those who do, well they are people you hold onto. And in my experience time apart doesn’t have a significant impact upon the friendship. We just pick up wherever it is we left off.

What Words Will You Read

The magic email account that is attached to this account tells me there are a bunch of new followers/readers here so I figured I ought to take a moment to say hello.

Technically I should do that by visiting each of your blogs and taking some time to read and or comment there. That is part of how you build relationships and how you develop a readership at your own blog.

But that is not going to happen here and here is why.

I don’t have the time to visit everyone.

Don’t misunderstand this to mean that I am too popular to get around because that is not what I am saying either.

Time is a resource that we all fight to get more of and in this situation it is made more challenging because some of the “followers” are spammers.

How do I know this?

Sometimes I have followed the notification of a new follower and discovered the less savory side of the blogosphere has latched on. It is part of the deal, build a blog and they are part of the package.

What Words Will You Read

I have multiple blogs because they serve multiple purposes. The one you are on now is typically used for very short messages and quick thoughts.

If you want to get a sense of me as a writer, if you want to learn more about what I do and how I do it you really ought to check out TheJackB.

That is where the real magic happens, or so I like to think.  Want to get a sense of what I am sharing over there?

Try these:

Ask Dr. Google

As a rule I try not to ask Dr. Google for advice about medical issues or at least I try to be cautious about it.

That is because you can scare the crap out of yourself with what you find because when you don’t know much about what you are researching it is easy to find yourself falling down the rabbit hole.

Easy to misdiagnose and or misunderstand what you think you have and then you find yourself getting worked up about something that might not be an issue.

That being said I did a search today because I was curious about something and now I am wondering if surgery is in my future.

If I am right it is not likely to be major but for a short time it will impact things for me.

The question is how soon does it need to be done. If I can put it off for around six months that could be very helpful.

But what would be even better is to find out that I am wrong and it doesn’t have to be done at all.

Crazy Times Are Here

Crazy times are here again. Trying to figure out how it all happened and what I can do to sail through these seas more smoothly.

It has cut down on some of the posts here, but this place isn’t going to die. Might be a bit slower here, might not.

You can still find plenty at the main blog. Check these out:

A Little Headbanging

A lot of frustration leads to a little headbanging but not of the sort that brings a smile to my face. That sort of sucks but again not as I like.

Must find a way to fix/correct/adjust it.

Insert wry grin and listen for loud yell.