I try to be intentional in how I look at my life which is why when it feels difficult I try to look at chunks of time because it is part of how I identify it as being quite good in its entirety and not one long pain in my ass.
But it is challenging sometimes because there are moments like this one where you wonder how come everything has to feel like a fight.
Even though things have improved so very much and so many good things have happened and are happening it is hard not to feel like it is one giant clusterfuck. It is like the past crap is pissed off about my having gotten through it and is trying to suck me back in.
It is not going to happen, I am not going to let it, but damn there are moments where I just want to scream.