This is sort of a funny post to follow this one but sometimes this is how it goes. Anyway, this is a placeholder, a few words to put down the idea for a post that should be much longer but isn’t ready to run yet.

It is not a middle aged crisis, though some would call it that. The reason is it is not is it suggests a man running around doing all that he can to fight the inevitable, I am not fighting. I know exactly how old I am but I do not know just how far I can push myself.

I have an idea. I have a sense of it but I don’t really know.

Where is my place? Where do I belong? What is best for me?

These are questions I am asking now and things that I couldn’t have addressed before because I hadn’t had enough life experience to know the answers to them.

You may say I am being foolish when I say I don’t know how far I can push myself but I don’t. It is not ego speaking either. I know physically I can’t do as I once did but I don’t know what that really means. I don’t know what life would be like if I bore down and worked on changing my body so it resembled the one I had when I was 19.

It might sound silly to you. It might sound ridiculous but I know I can get that body back. It is a question of will desire and work.

But what I ask myself is do I need to do that? Is asking the question me trying to come up with an excuse not to work hard because even though I can get it back it won’t be exactly the same. The work to get there and recovery time are not going to be like they were.

What benefits are there from trying to do so? Is there is a middle ground that makes more sense to focus upon? What has prevented me from doing this?

And then in the other areas it is about looking at all I have done, all I have accomplished and all I want to do so that I can figure out what it means to be me as I am today and who I want to be in the future.


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