A New Year


5775 is about to start and I am sitting here by myself. The sages of yore advised against separating ourselves from our communities but I am choosing to ignore their suggestion today.

There is a piece of me that is shaking his head at this and asking if this is the guy I want to be.

I don’t have to think about it. It is not how I want things to go or who I want to be but for the moment it seems to be the best solution or maybe that is what you say when you have painted yourself into a corner and aren’t ready to decorate your shoes with wet paint.

You may think this sounds sad or depressing and I suppose you might not be entirely wrong but you wouldn’t be entirely right either. That is because it is not depressing.

Depressing is what I would call it if there wasn’t another side. Depressing is what happens when you don’t realize that you can still walk through the paint and out of the corner.

I am not a fucking tree who is rooted to the ground. I can move and I have and I will.

What is sad is this moment because I had thought I was beyond this place and that I was further along than I am. What is sad is it took me longer to recognize the advantages and benefits of change.

“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.” – Mark Twain

I share some things in common. I have failed to recognize some opportunities but not all and I have certainly gotten better at making things happen when they arise.

So I am alone by choice tonight because for the moment there is a short list of people I am willing to spend time with. I am short tempered now and not interested in putting myself in situations where that is going to be a problem. But the joy of the journey in life has taught me this moment will pass.

And if the sun should shine upon my face sooner than later I would hope that the right people will be there to share it with me and if not now, than later.

I am nothing but patient, determined and tenacious.

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