Hard Choices

The joy of being up against it doesn’t start to come through until you recognize how your ability to choose different paths becomes restricted to good, bad and worse.

And the thing about it that really makes life more interesting is you know damn well that the choice you label as good is probably bad and worse is somewhere three steps past awful.

When people have come to me to ask for my counsel regarding their own situations I have often tried to help them ascertain if it was possible that things weren’t as grim as they viewed them to be.

Sometimes we figured out that it really wasn’t that bad, but not always. There were moments where we even figured out it was worse than they had thought.

So as I sit here thinking, er writing out loud and debating whether I’ll put up a post about this on the main blog I am trying to find the truth of my situation.

I don’t want to sugar coat it because it has to be dealt with and the best way to do that is to look at it in the daylight.

So I keep trying to wrap my arms around this motherfucker so I can drag it out of the dark and throw it down the stairs where I can view all sides.

But try as I might I haven’t quite managed to do so and now I worry about not being able to make the smart and well-informed decision I want to make.

My fear is I’ll use a dirty bandage to staunch the bleeding but it won’t fix the problem and it will come back to visit again.

I don’t want my life to look like I am competing with Sylvester Stallone’s 29 Rocky movies. Don’t get me wrong, I have watched them all and if another came out I would probably go see it.

But that doesn’t mean I want it.

And that is the problem right now, I don’t want what I have any more. I am just done.

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2 thoughts on “Hard Choices

  1. I know that feeling well. Sometimes, I do that thing that blackjack dealers do – I flip my hands up and and then down and say, “I’m out”. I don’t know why this helps but for some weird reason it does. Like I’m showing you I’m clean, got nothing up my sleeve, I’m making a clean choice and I’m out.

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