Kind of funny to realize I am fucking furious with someone who I thought was concerned about my welfare and yet I am also ambivalent and forgiving of their behavior.
It almost makes sense…almost.
I am standing in the middle of a fucking storm and the only reason I haven’t collapsed is because I am too stubborn or too fucking stupid to recognize when it is time to seek shelter.
That is not hype or bravado, it is just me calling it the way I see it. Can’t give up because I am too close to making it to the other side but it is not hyperbole to say I am getting my ass beaten like a drum.
But the best part of having survived the other stuff I have been through is I have learned a few things.
Funny thing is in some ways this is clearly the worst I have been through and the hardest moments yet that past experience proves this will past.
But it is really fucking hard and just when I think I am close chaos is unleashed and I don’t know if I am close to the eye of the storm or just on the edges.
Won’t bother asking for help or support because it is not going to come, this just me and I have to figure it out. One thing I know, when I come out the other side I will be changed again.