Been thinking about writing someone a letter to someone say I miss them.
We have been as close as two people can be and had our ups and downs. Hell and back again is a fair description.
When we choose to communicate we have had deeper and more intimate conversations than anyone else we have ever known. At least we told each other that, hasn’t changed for me, might have for them.
Can’t know for certain, but I have my suspicions.
Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what to do there and sometimes I just don’t. Can’t figure out what to trust, head or heart.
Tend to think I trust my heart but follow my head as a way to protect it. Will ultimately be ok no matter what happens because I am built to last.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t miss them or that sometimes I really fucking miss them.
Could pick up the phone, but haven’t because I have tried to respect their wishes. They might say thank you for that or call me an idiot and say I should have ignored it.
Thing is there is so much happening now I am on overload and so I have been compartmentalizing because I can’t sit back and analyze everything.
I just have to push through this stuff and hope I am right. Not easy, hope is not a strategy but sometimes it is all you have got.
Maybe I’ll get a sign or something that makes it cool to connect. Maybe I’ll find out they miss me too.
Radical honesty is rough because it makes you vulnerable and you don’t always want that because you fear what could happen.
But sometimes you take a chance or write a stupid blog post saying you miss someone.