The joy of learning your father is in the ER isn’t mitigated by his having insisted you make certain choices or knowing that the choices you made are and were correct.
I sit here thinking about recent conversations and can’t believe how similar they are to conversations I had with his father.
Grandpa told me one day he’d lose the fight and that was ok with him, granted he was around 90 when he said it.
Dad has a long way to go before he turns 90…years.
But he has the same approach and said the same sort of thing to me that grandpa did. Can’t predict when, how or where, can only guarantee it will happen one day.
So I try not to feel any guilt about that or other choices I have made. Fact is, the guilt I feel about any is limited to one area and it is probably not what some think.
In the interim I try not to be irritated or angry with those I expected better from. Haven’t demanded answers or pointed out significant inconsistencies. Just kept doing what I need to do in other areas and figure one day I’ll have answers.
The answer may be something similar to “you’ll never know why people do as they do” or it may be something else.
Can’t wait, can’t worry.
I know who I am. What I want and what I feel.
Doesn’t mean others have or don’t have similar ideas.
We are who we are.
All I can do is my best and hope it works. That is not real reassuring because hope is not a strategy, but make do with what you have and who you have and that is how you deal.