Got just a moment to touch base, might come back and add to this or write something new but if I don’t…
Frustrated because my left arm is trying to betray me, there is some mystery pain there that only screams when I try to lift more than a few pounds.
Doesn’t matter if I am doing curls or push ups I feel something going on. Been more cautious about it because I wasn’t sure what it was and it has been going on for longer than I care to think.
Hate this part of aging, this should be a couple moments of discomfort and then it should go away. Going to see what happens and then I am going to push it and see if I can work the kink out.
Got good news though, these shorts around my waist will need a belt soon because they are falling off. Can’t tell you how much I have loss other than it is not enough to make me feel like it is time to stop but it is enough to notice.
Small victories add up.
Late this afternoon my house will be overrun by a bunch of 10 and 11 year old girls.
They are coming for a slumber party to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. I am sort of dreading it which is funny because as a kid I loved these parties but as an adult they wear me out.
Summer traffic is always a bit off, at least in the blogosphere. There are lots of days where it is a bit slower than the rest of the year.
It freaks some people out but not me. I figure people are on vacation or I am just not providing the sort of content that gets shared as often as it could be.
But I also make a note to track how much time I spend visiting and commenting on other blogs because there is a relationship between my engagement and the amount of traffic I receive.
I have been thinking about it quite a bit because I used to be much more consistent about it but for the past year or so my visiting has dropped off.
Haven’t decided if it is a time issue or if I just haven’t been as into it as I used to be, but I am definitely aware of it.
It is also on my mind because I have felt the urge to try and increase the number of regular readers so I have been thinking about ways/means and methods.
It is a cluttered field out there in which the proverbial squeaky wheel gets the grease. Might be time for me to start greasing so that things get a bit more involved and active.
Looking for more reading? Try these:
I woke up this morning in a very foul mood and tried to figure out why so many of my dreams have been so disturbing and decided it is because I feel like I have taken not three steps forwards and two backwards but three steps forward and four steps backward.
Yeah, it feels like many of my accomplishments have been tainted because I am in a giant hole and sliding downwards. It is not just a little irritating but exceptionally irritating to feel like I had gained so much ground and then lost so much so soon after.
It is possible it is just a bad moment in time and that my foul mood has impacted my perspective.
It is also possible that I am spot on but there is a bit of hope here. If I can slide so far backwards in such little time there is no doubt I can move back to where I was and beyond in just as little time.
That is the goal because I despise feeling like I hate where life is at right now.
I have a plan and I am working hard to see that it is executed because I am not one to wallow but damn, did I really have to get jammed up like this again.
Need More Reading Material?
Try any one or more of these:
I am not fond of whiners or being a whiner. If there is a problem I want to figure out how to fix or remove it.
Can’t say that I don’t understand how some people stay where they are because they fear what could happen if they try to change their situation because I have been there. And in some ways I suppose I have maintained my own status quo because it was what I knew.
But at the same time I have never understood why some people insist on letting life kick their ass each day and how they never seem to have had enough.
Because I can’t live that way or be that guy.
Yet sometimes when I read what I have written it feels that way so I consider my thoughts and ask myself why I feel as I do.
Most of the time it comes back to feeling like I do it all on my own and that there is no support or limited understanding about what I am facing and have faced.
Others might disagree with me but that is ok because I am not interested in building a consensus about how I feel. What I know is that November-February were among the least pleasant times in recent memory and that if felt like my skin was being flayed while hot sauce was being poured over me.
Things improved a bit and some equilibrium was found but it didn’t fix what felt off because this transition time is grinding upon me. I feel like I am climbing a mountain and the other climbers have fallen off but since they are still connected to me I am dragging them up the side inch by inch.
My frustration level is higher than normal and I want to say higher than it should be but I don’t know if that is a fair statement to make.
I am trying to break it all up into pieces so that it feels more manageable and so I can get a clearer look at things to determine if my reasons are solid or not.
Because sometimes we let ourselves go nuts worrying about nonsense and I hate when I do that. Yet I can’t necessarily say I am any better at preventing those worries from taking control than anyone else.
Got irritated about a lack of feedback regarding my posts which is sort of funny because I have always said I would write regardless of whether anyone read them or not.
Most of the time that is how I roll but sometimes it is hard because when I have put something more into a piece it is nice to be recognized for it. It is nice to hear that it moved someone.
The good thing about heavier emotions is they are a useful tool for writing. Sometimes that kind of anger/sadness/frustration really lends itself to storytelling. Laughter and general happiness can work too.
Rolling down the list of things I took a hard look at my resume and I just don’t like the way it looks. Not really talking about the look but more the way it feels to me. Drives me a bit crazy to think about things and not feel as accomplished as I would like to be. It is easy to blame others for that but I have to look at myself first and wonder what I did or didn’t do.
I am just tired of feeling like it is me against the world. I won’t quit and won’t give up but $@TY$WG#$@RQ